Can someone help me make sense of this please?

[AllTheBunnies]

I have posted before about this.

I just can't shake the feeling that my boyfriend of 18 months isn't attracted to me.

I have no doubt that he thinks I'm attractive but I don't think he finds me attractive.

It's not something we dwell on. I've asked him outright and he says that he does but my gut tells me otherwise.

The relationship otherwise is really good. We get on well, are comfortable together, have similar/compatible interests. We love each other amd care for each other and he is clearly invested in the relationship (as am I) but this feeling just won't go away and its really knocking my confidence now. I feel small and unattractive. I worry that he's embarrassed by me when we go out.

And I don't even know if my gut instinct is reliable! Or whether it matters.

It's unlikely. Always possible but unlikely. Tbh, that's not really what I'm worried about.

It's unlikely. Always possible but unlikely. Tbh, that's not really what I'm worried about.

No. Not brought up a lot. Three times at most over the past 4 months but it never gets discussed because he just brushes it aside.

If thee had been a single conversation I'd have an answer or at least a lack of one to act on.

You know what it’s not you I bet you’re gorgeous it’s not you it is what it is don’t fret you’re instinct is there for a reason I made up
lots of reasons = excuses I looked the best I ever had done we had so much fun but it just wasn’t there does it matter ? Eventually it did for me x

Sometimes, my partner (late sixties) is up for it daily, sometimes he isn’t…(we don’t use any pills for bed) I used to occasionally feel insecure and unattractive (I’m bigger than I’d like, awful stretch marks, have short hair which he doesn’t normally go for etc) and accidentally pull away and then he’d sense that and not know why and pull back himself…the miscommunication was really not nice. I learnt to be more honest and tell him if I was feeling like that, he always makes me feel respected, and beautiful and reassures me that it’s just him being older, not him going off me! Over time, my anxiety calmed and we cuddle and stroke more if it’s not time for anything else.

Hi OP I have felt this. I sometimes think it is lack of confidence on their part, solidified by lack of flexibility (with age). He can’t quite make the shift into the fluid world of attraction we know we’re in: where there’s a spark or not and it doesn’t always make rational sense. You got together for a reason. But he seems very set in his ways and thoughts. It doesn’t fix things of course. It sounds like he’s only willing to tune in to that level of attraction we might have at school — an immature level. ‘I like boys with curtains’ etc. What’s the sex like? Does he make a proper connection?

I'm not gorgeous 🤣 but I'm attractive. I've lost a stone but he says he's not bothered either way and it doesn't make him love me anymore or less.

Like I say, I don't doubt that he loves me. Or that he thinks I'm attractive.

I just don't think he finds me 'sexy'. He has said it a couple of times but even that didn't feel or sound right really.

I'd just like a proper conversation I suppose where we check in on the relationship and whether it's what we both want and whether we're both feeling the same rather than this feeling of uncertainty and drifting into spending more time together.

He has told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I feel the same. But only if its genuine.