It’s been 6 years since we split, share a DD aged 8 almost 9. We split due to his violence towards both DD and I – proved in family court. He has court ordered contact for 2 nights EOWend which was made a year after we split. We’ve been back to court twice over arrangements (all 3 times he took me) and both times the judge stuck to the original order.
He flat out refuses to talk to me, if he does it’s to tell me that he disagrees with the court order and wants DD move. He won’t talk to me about anything to do with DD, she’s had several operations and for a few weeks after a couple contact had to be changed, but Ex refused to discuss it with me and took me back to court over it when I tried just before covid saying that contact shouldn’t be changed and if it is it should be that DD goes to his immediately after the operation to recover and I don’t see her for a few weeks. The judge laughed him out of court btw, told him I was being perfectly reasonable to follow the doctors advice to temporarily distrupt contact – I always offer to make it up when she’s better and even say he can have her for longer in holidays.
He won’t speak to school or attend school related things. The two times they’ve called him about DD, he’s told them that he doesn’t have weekday time with her, it’s my domain and unless they think residency should switch he doesn’t want to speak to them, and then hung up.
If I message him about DD – if she’s ill, or theres a party she wants to go to on his weekend he completely ignores me. Then will call me shouting abuse at me if I keep her with me when she’s ill (I still send her on party days but she has missed so many)
I find it incredibly rude and frustrating. He won’t even talk to me when I do handover, we still use a communication book, which DD says he doesn’t even read – so he doesn’t even know when she’s had her medications/when to give it again.
The only time he ever contacts me is to tell me when he has DD that he’s returning her late or early when she’s with him or like above if she’s ill and I’ve kept her with me – the early is usually because she’s a bit under the weather. I never find out why he’s returning her late – and even then its not via text or email, it’s a phone call. My emails go unanswered. Even a few times during emergencies he’s completely ignored my messages and I’ve had to contact his family to get him to pay attention. Judges both times we went back to court told him he needs to communicate with me if he wants more contact and yet he completely ignores it. The judge won't reduce contact either, I did ask in court so I do have to cope.
How do I manage this? Due to DDs specific issues we’ll likely have to communicate until she’s 14 or 15 when she can do it herself.
It's the same in everything. I'm struggling to divorce him because he refuses to sign the papers, and I don't have the money to force it through courts to make him sign them - it's also what he wants I think.