Why don't moaning grousing negging men just find someone else?

[KatyKopykat]

Why do negging, moaning, whingeing men do it? What I mean is, if they're so unhappy with their partner that they want to mould and change them, and grouse about it why don't they just sod off and find their dream woman? Instead of moaning about you looking a state, not trying hard enough, being boring or whatever it is, surely there's someone out there who floats their boat?

From experience - some men don't actually want a "better" female partner, they want a comfortable existence where they get their holidays planned and their dinners cooked, and aren't asked to do much. Then because they don't do much in the home, they feel they're not "in control" so they have to redress the balance and take the control back. They want a mommy they can fuck and browbeat.

Its not double standards though. Venting to a 3rd party is completely different to insulting someone to their face. There's also ways of raising things face to face which aren't negging, you can still discuss issues about things without resorting to putting the other person down.

You'll see much much worse double standards on male dominated sites.

Expecting and insisting on women being better behaved than men is misogyny.

Occasionally there are upbeat "what I love about my partner, how good my partner is to me" threads.

However it is relationships help... Do why tf would anyone be posting a out their happy, no issues relationship and amazing partner?!

Why does that even need stated?

"moaning grousing negging" is exactly how many MNers talk about their male partners. I'd like to understand better why they don't just move on, too

It's not the same at all to talk about your feelings anonymously on a forum as insulting your 'partner' to their face.

When I was a kid, I recall something that others said very often. I had been badly bullied so I had opposite feelings which is why this sticks in my head. If someone hated me, they could say what they liked to others as long as they didn't insult me to my face. But what everyone else said, repeatedly, different ethnic backgrounds-ages-sexes was...

"I'd much rather you told me to my face than disrespect me behind my back. Nothing is worse than people saying nasty things about you behind your back !!" Everyone (but me) felt that very strongly.

And yet here I am on MN, folk saying, "Oh that's fine, to slag people off behind their back, much nicer behaviour !"
Is that a British thing?

No one is saying that its nicer behaviour but it isn't negging. Negging is a recognised form of manipulation, its a specific behaviour done to undermine someone's self confidence

@lljkk If you think someone letting off steam or questioning their partner's behaviour is morally wrong, maybe avoid those threads?

There was an ode tics thread a few days ago asking why women moan about their partners.

the consensus seemed to be that they were just letting off steam and the men probably deserved it.

unsurprisingly this one is taking a different path

Identical