dating someone who is withdrawing

[strombola]

Dating someone with complex MH issues and who has had a lot of trauma. For context, at the beginning (i.e. date 1 and 2!) I felt like he was oversharing quite a bit and it made me uncomfortable. I didn't explicitly tell him this, but I think he picked up on it and our dates became a lot lighter conversation wise which I appreciated. More recently we have chatted about more serious stuff which is totally fine as I feel like I know him more.

However, in between seeing him, he's withdrawing. Takes ages to reply to whatsapps, including on days when we vaguely had plans. I'm the kind of person who likes to know in advance what I'm doing (as otherwise I'll out with someone else, to gym etc), so find this frustrating. I don't think it's because he's going off me - although could be wrong!

Last message I got from him was him say he'd been having a bad time with depression this weekend along with some other unrelated stuff. I sent him messages saying I'd hoped he was ok, was it anything specific getting him down etc, but no reply. I don't expect to hear anything back for a couple of days now.

I'm struggling because if this was a friend I'd be calling, sending multiple messages etc, but in a newish relationship I don't want to do that.

I was seeing someone like this, very open about their mental health struggles early on, told me they had ptsd etc. Couldn't make plans as he never knew how he'd be feeling. In reality he was just a manipulative arse who used withdrawing as a way to assert control. At best he's not in a place for a relationship, at worst he's an abuser carefully priming you to expect nothing from him.
Either way my advice would be to run.

Saviour complexes are never much fun for anyone - get rid, hav higher standards

You don't think it's because he's going off you, meanwhile, aren't you going off him?

This all sounds very much like hard work for a new relationship, and mental health issues aside, if he isn't replying to your messages and you're second guessing yourself and spending time and brain space on trying to manouvre yourself round his changing states, then bin it.

Life is too short. Find someone else to hang out with who doesn't leave you wondering. Honestly, if this is the tone of things now, it's not going to get any better as things progress and the best self he's presenting now becomes unsustainable. If you want to nurse someone, get a uniform and get paid for it.

While he might be a really nice guy when hes well, it doesnt sound like this guy is anywhere near stable or well enough to consider trying to build an actual life with as your partner. Hes got nothing to bring to the table.

He doesn’t seem very invested in the relationship. If it’s this tough so early in, what’s it gonna be like in the future? you don’t want to be left on read after a few dates. I’d be moving on and fast!

Life's too short for this! Move on.