Red flags or not?

[TheSnootiestFox]

Please can you help me decide?

I've been seeing someone for a few weeks. All has been great until last night when I felt properly sussed out financially. So for example, I was asked if a diamond ring I wear was real. Then, in the past when we've eaten out we've always bought drinks in rounds and taken turns on main courses of around 16 or 17 pounds. Last night I said it was my round, and suggested a different pub which was a bit more expensive just for a change but I was only expecting to have a main course. He then proceeds to order 3 courses and extra drinks, the last of which he took 3 mouthfuls of the pint and said he didn't want it and didn't know why he'd ordered it so left it. Obviously I then picked up a bill of over £100 that I hadn't budgeted for. He knows its my sons birthday and my cars MOT and I'm paying for an overnight stay later in the month for us both. Am I just being tight here and if i invite him out I should be prepared for every eventuality 😆 or was that a bit cheeky?

He sounds like a twat. Throw him back!

Ditch and run!

(and don't look back)

Hmmm thank you 😊 you're confirming my suspicions 😅

I would cancel that night away pronto. He's got an absolute bloody nerve. Get rid of him now before he spent every penny you have.

Ew. Concentrate lessn what he is or isn't, and more on how you feel about him.

How would you feel if a friend did that?

I'd find someone else to take out for dinner, he sounds grabby and vulgar if nothing else.

Is he younger than you? I think he's looking for a sugar mummy. He's pushing boundaries.

You've taken turns with rounds of drinks and meals on every date up until now? I'd ditch him just for that!

Also it's far too early to be paying for overnight stays for you both. I'm assuming he also has an overnight stay booked for you both that he's paying for?

I've also just seen you have a son. Spend your money on him. Not some guy who you barely even know!

Well, yes I agree, but that's rather my point! I had no choice but to spend it as after I'd said 'my treat' I couldn't exactly refuse to pay the bill!

In answer to other questions, no he's 7 years older than me, and the night away actually isn't a jolly, he's helping me with something but I'm still funding it all in return for the favour. Not sure what to think tbh!

How do I even mention it without looking tight? Or do I just politely decline to see him again?

You could have refused to pay though! I'd have had no hesitation in telling him my offer of a treat hadn't meant a three course meal and drinks he didn't even finish.

He fully knows he's taking the piss. These men aren't stupid. Who cares if you "look tight"? Who cares what he thinks?

Just tell him you don't want to see him again. Politely or not🤣

I need to be more assertive 🤣 genuinely interested in what you'd have said though, I don't see how I could go back once I'd agreed to pay?

How many courses did you have yourself at the your treat meal?

I would just have said that you didn't realise he was going to order double what you normally do for the meal. Then I would have said he was going to have to pay towards the extra as it was too much for you to cover alone.

He knows full well that £100 plus is too much for one person to cover. The fact he let you shows what sort of person he is.

I've been there believe me. I once dated a guy who was very wealthy and we went away for five nights. He paid for our meal every evening. He never had wine with his meal though (I don't drink wine) Then on the last evening I offered to pay for our meal. Funnily enough that turned out to be the night he decided to order large quantities on red wine!

I was a lot younger then and didn't dare say anything. It still makes me furious.

These men know full well what they are doing. They aren't stupid.

Three to be honest but I felt it was so out of control that I just went along with it. I was on the water though!

Sounds like a wanker but you could test it... Next time.its his treat. Suggest somewhere nice snd feel free to order what you like?!

Don't really, that just sets a precedent! 🤣

I think if this isn't normally how you order, it is odd. If it has otherwise gone well I would be inclined to let it go and see if it was an anomaly but be prepared to walk away pronto if its not.

I agree with SavBlancTonight's suggestion don't miss out on his turn to pay. Order a nice bottle of wine, three courses and some sides then never see him again.

Has he said that the next meal out is his treat op?

Because if he hasn't then that tells you all you need to know.

Yes, but I also know it'll be cheaper pub and one course 😉 so lesson learned!

Cancel the overnight stay because you can't afford it after that meal and see how he reacts.

But yes, bin him and move on...

I'm amazed he hasn't tried to move in with you already.

Well next time is his treat. When you get there, go for the 3 courses and multiple drinks and see what he does. That will tell you whether he was just totally clueless or a total dick.

Especially if he doesn't waste drinks when its him paying the tab!