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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So nervous to be dating again - normal?

6 replies

Startagain4 · 03/06/2023 19:58

My four-year relationship ended 2.5 years ago now and I haven't dated at all. It took me the best part of 18 months to feel 'over' it as the breakup came out of the blue for me.

I've got to know a nice man through socialising with friends and he's now asked me for dinner. Initially I was going to say no, but now have agreed. He's away at the moment so we're meeting in 10 days.

I'm so nervous as it approaches now, feel sick with nerves, wondering am I ready/ doing the right think. I think it's because I was so hurt previously. Is this normal or is it because I'm not ready?

OP posts:
dizzyupthegirl86 · 03/06/2023 20:11

Normal nerves, I think. It’s normal to be nervous on a first date anyway, try not to associate it with your ex.

it’s like throwing yourself back into something you know has the power to hurt you, I understand that - but it also has the power to bring you happiness too. What have you got to lose?

WtP · 03/06/2023 22:04

Trust me its perfectly normal to be nervous.
I was terrified 3 years after my wife died to put myself out there!
I ended up enjoying going on dates and hit lucky for a while with a 3 month relationship that was very intense but sadly not a long term thing.
But it's given me the confidence that I can do it after 35 years with someone else.

Watchkeys · 03/06/2023 22:24

Is this normal or is it because I'm not ready

These are not mutually exclusive. Part of you might not be ready, part of you might just have first date nerves.

We can't tell you. Only you can know, and only you can take responsibility for making the right decision for yourself.

Don't date if you're this ready to view your feelings as 'not normal'. Being this nervous means you don't have your own back.

That said, going to dinner with someone is just dinner. You have dinner every day. You don't have to make this into 'Am I ready to date?' You could equally ask 'Would I like to sit opposite this man and have some food and a chat?'

GreyCarpet · 04/06/2023 11:11

That said, going to dinner with someone is just dinner. You have dinner every day. You don't have to make this into 'Am I ready to date?' You could equally ask 'Would I like to sit opposite this man and have some food and a chat?'

This is exactly how I would he approaching it.

Startagain4 · 04/06/2023 19:14

Good advice re dinner. One day I'm excited, next so nervous.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/06/2023 19:16

Why are you nervous? What are you scared might happen?

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