Cant Get Rid Of Abusive Ex

[StrictlyBusiness]

Hey not sure if anyone in here can help but just a quick question or some advice really. Has anyone in here ever completely relocated because of their ex/partner? If so how did you go about it? Does it take alot of planning or did you just up and go?

The reason i ask is the stalking/harassment im facing from my ex is starting to become too much, the calls & texts, the assaults, the turning up at my door and intimidating me in the street has gone on since we split up 2 years ago. myself and a friend was assaulted by my ex and his friend in the street today (not the first time) and he also threatened to assault my grandad outside of a pub and the police yet again don't seem very concerned because "he now can't be located so isn't deemed high risk anymore for a wanted status and arrest" it's really getting me down and destroying my life, I can't even go out of the house and I'm not even safe staying in it anymore because he's broke in numerous times in the past. I cant begin a relationship or have any friends because he threatens or actually physically assaults them too, to the point I feel too guilty for putting them in danger that I distance myself or they protect themselves and distance away from me. I'm incredibly isolated and I literally have no life anymore 🥺 any glimmer of happiness is ruined by him and I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm trying so hard to fight the depressive spiral or the thoughts that it won't stop until I'm dead. I cant let him push me to suicide and win but its starting to become a battle with my own emotions too.

I'm in 2 minds about just packing a bag and disappearing as I feel I have no other options at all. I just don't know how I can execute this. There's no children involved or anything and I do have a small bit of money but not alot to survive off long term.

I really need some advice here or even just a hand hold 😔

My mate had to call the police and explain the situation and they placed her and her kids in a women's refuge from there she got her own place... Took couple of hours for her to get a placement from the womens refuge and nearly a year for her to get a 2 bedroom council house as they classed her as high priority

I would complain to the police and you MP, but in all honesty I would also plan to move away. Do you have the kind of job where it is easy to relocate?

Can I ask why he can still ring and text you after 2 years? Block him, and agree with pp get in touch with women's aid who will be able to offer advice and support. No one should have to live like this.

All Women’s aid. The police should be doing much much more to protect you and they should be able to give you the tools to approach them with knowledge.

keep a time/date incident list so that you have a log of all the things he’s done.

But yes if I were you I would move.

id go abroad initially there plenty of work abroad in the summer months. Spend that time choosing a UK place to move to. But your family must agree to not disclose where you are otherwise it will just continue

Block
Change your number
Move
Anyone who gets harassed by him needs to report to police as well

Speak to Rights of Women and get a restraining order/non-molestation order against him for you and your home.

Make an appointment with the domestic violence team at the police and ask for their assistance. Then escalate it if they won't help.

@3dogsandarabbit there's about 47 numbers on my blocked list that are his. As soon as I block one, another ends up messaging or calling. Even ones that are blocked, whilst don't come through as a notification still show in my call log and it appears he can also leave voicemails still as that notification is always popping up without a call actually coming through. Trust me I block numbers immediately but it makes no difference at all.

You poor thing I feel so sorry for you - my abusive ex is a PITA and finds any excuse to drop by and that’s bad enough….

def talk to WA about a non-mol order and how to get one. I don’t see why you should have to move your whole life just to be able to live in peace…but it’s worth considering as I know that I’m much more relaxed when I’m away and he’s not going to suddenly come round the corner.

new phone number obvs (but keep the old one running so he won’t work out you’ve changed it) and then once the non-mol is in place see how well it works before you decide you’ve got to move. Hopefully making it illegal for him to harass you and knowing he can be charged might make him think twice…

you poor love, sending hugs xxx

Change your number. Move. Swear everyone to secrecy. Go live your life.

Call the National Stalking Helpline https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline
0808 802 0300. They may be able to advocate with the police for you around an arrest and a Stalking Protection Order, and/or will help you look at relocation options if needed.

It's very common for stalkers to get round blocking by using multiple alternative methods to make contact. It's also worth knowing that blocking can sometimes increase risk as it makes it more likely for the stalker to turn up in person if they can't get you 'remotely'. Blocking can also stop you gathering evidence, so needs to be done very carefully and with a safety plan in place.

I would start keeping a log and gathering evidence, give the National Stalking Helpline a call and ask about their advocacy service, and they should be able to help you have the old reports looked at again by the police.

I agree that blocking can cause problems. Instead of blocking try using voicemail on that number, and save his messages as evidence.
Then as soon as you can, get a new phone number, which you use for important stuff.
Keep an incident diary from now on, record the time, date, and what happened. It makes much more of an impact if you write it all down than if you try to say what happened.

I think the police are letting you down. Your MP might also be able to help with that but I'd use the stalking services first.