Am I mothering him?

[MaterialGirl1978]

In the relationship for 15 years, pretty good in every way. But DP just does not take care of himself - doesn’t drink enough water, does not use sunscreen, dry skin on the body, hair coming out from ears and nose, hang nails, minimal personal grooming. He exercises and is perfectly clean, showers twice a day, but I find myself reminding him to cut his nails, fetching him glass of water, cutting fruit to make sure he eats it, nag to have a shave. All little things but I do not want to mother him anymore though he will not take a better care of himself without nagging. I do like a bit of self care, so may be projecting too much. Anyway, it’s probably just a rant but anyone else has this?

Sounds like you are mothering him , cutting fruit up ? That's 🤣

Does he not have teeth to eat the uncut fruit?

I dont have to remind my DH to do any of that stuff. He has recently started getting ear and nose hair but buzzes it away with a little gadget. He would however, eat crap constantly if I didn't police it.

Is it affecting how attracted you are to him? I assume yes, but have you told him this?

Crikey, you need to step back. WAY back, this is bordering hilarious but it's cringe. How can you fancy someone you mother? This is not the basis of a relationship, a romantic one anyway

You cut fruit for him to eat..?

And fetch him glasses of water..?

Seriously?

I couldn't tell you how often my boyfriend drinks water or eats fruit! Literally, no idea.

Can't say I notice how often he cits his nails either.

Why don't you do you and let him be himself?

Op

I think you are the one that is being overbearing

do you have children?

Cutting fruit up and bringing glasses of water? That’s mental. Stop.

I know it’s laughable, I just don’t want him to get unhealthy and unattractive. It’s a turn off for me to nag, and he has all the gadgets, but constantly needs a nudge. And yes, I have just cut him some melon 😂

Do you have children?

If so it can't be good for them to be learning that it's a woman's responsibility to do everything for a man including cutting up his food...?

Yes, daughter grown up, but it’s not about that. He is hard working in every way, just very little self preservation / self care, not interested, not vain.

But he must know that taking so little care of himself isn't attractive and yet he still chooses to watch you fetch him glasses of water and cut his fruit up instead of saying don't be silly, I'll do that and getting off his arse 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think it's very respectful of him to allow you to do this stuff for years and years rather than just taking a bit more initiative himself.

but I find myself reminding him to cut his nails,

This is gross. It's basic personal hygeniene. If he can't do this on his own, I wouldn't want to be around someone like that. Leave him to it and find a nice, clean person who shaves and looks after themself properly.

Good grief 🤦‍♀️

Why should he be! Step back and let him be himself.

I understand OP.

Nasal hair, ear hair,.manky teeth are all a turn off.

Do we just dump them then Elmtree, when we no longer fing them attractive?!

Why do you think he should do these things to your standards? What makes your standards the ideal ones?
What would actually happen to him if he did things his way? How much more quickly would he become ill and die?

Get some bells put in each room so he can summon u when necessary 🙈

Why should he though?

Presably he'd do all those things if he wanted to.

If it were a bloke posting who complained his partner didn't look after herself and so he bought her razors or made hairdressing appointments for her; bought make up or lingerie he'd like to see her in so she didn't become unattractive, would you be saying the same thing? That she was being disrespectful by not doing those things for herself because he wanted her to?

I would.

Male of female, I think that (barring illness or infirmity) you owe it to your partner not to let yourself go. So shoot me!

@GreyCarpet

If you read my post back, I specifically referenced him allowing her to 'fetch him water' and 'cut up his fruit', not any of the things to do with appearances / clothing etc. And I would have said the same if the sexes were reversed.

@MaterialGirl1978

I would find those kind of reminders annoying, but I would not hesitate to say so. If you have a pretty open level of communication, I would assume that he would let you know if he found it annoying.

I would not be cutting up his fruit .

I don't disagree with you to a degree but if your partner doesn't do those things, you either accept them as they are or move on. Mothering him isn't going to end well. At least ine of them is going to end up deeply resenting it and find it incredibly unsexy!