Having my pmt used against me as part of gaslighting

[ImtheProblemits]

Is this a thing? DP and DD behaving horrendously then when I pull them up on it at certain times of the month they’ll say it’s my interpretation or that I’m overreacting because I have pmt ? Is this a tactic?

I’ve told them that I’m consistent throughout the month and to not even try this but they seem to be joining forces.

If dd is rude to me when I ask her to clear up her mess for example , DP won’t back me up he will start laughing and say ‘fgs she heard the first time !’ Then they both start laughing. If I then say it’s not acceptable DP will say ‘this is YOUR pmt’
He will twist things and they’ll both say it’s my recollection or interpretation of things.

All I see is a lazy teen and a father who is enabling her and both joining up to gaslight me to excuse their behaviour.

Sometimes DP will actually
complain about the mess DD makes eg if he wants to cook but it’s all dirty and I tell him that each time I’ve raised this with her he won’t back me up - that I’m not stepping in to clean it so he will have to if he won’t deal with it and then for days after he will moan about it.

It’s just the pmt thing they are really using it against me one week each month and I feel they actually think they can be ‘worse’ as they know they can twist it and say ‘oh we aren’t worse you’re just over sensitive this week’

Well I guess it could be youre more critical at that time but it's not fair for them to behave like this. You could lie about your cycle and see if it still happens on days you pretend you are on.

I saw someone say that pmt is actually just the one time when women see things with absolute clarity and therefore get pissed off, whereas it's dulled the rest of the time. I think that's me as I get so annoyed when premenstrual

Do you get PMT though? A couple of days a month i can get dead narky and nasty. It is PMT that causes it and I explain it as such.

If you get PMT, I don't think it's gaslighting to point it out tbh.

If I were you I would tidy up after myself and leave them to wallow in their mess.

The both sound like a pair of cruel and nasty people.

I think the time has come for you to sit your husband down & tell him how unacceptable his behaviour is. And getting your daughter to be his sidekick in this is honestly just awful.

I am actually feeling so angry for you!

Yes it's gaslighting. My ex used to.do this for years and I used to laugh along.
Now I see it for what it was. Along with his racist and sexist jokes, and his anger outbursts. He eventually left me.

If dd is rude to me when I ask her to clear up her mess for example , DP won’t back me up he will start laughing and say ‘fgs she heard the first time !’

This is unacceptable even without them bringing PMT into it, and makes me think that this is definitely them making shit up, not your PMT causing problems.

For me personally, I am unreasonable when I have PMT (DH has never said this, I can feel it myself) so if someone did say this to me, they'd be correct.

Oh wow, this is awful of them! How misogynistic and nasty, op, they're gaslighting you and been rude, disrespectful and bullying. This can't go on.

I do get PMT, I think what it does is makes me more assertive about things that happen rather than me interpreting things wrongly as they suggest. So maybe I am more quick to snap if the whole kitchen or bathroom are absolutely filthy when id cleaned it the day before.

I never actually tell them my cycle but it’s so regular and I think they’ve just noticed what comes in the shooing that it’s a pattern they know so they know when it’s the week before

I think pmt just makes me more outspoken but not unreasonable

If they recognise the signs well enough to be able to bring it up, then maybe it is you... however, they way they're highlighting it is tantamount to gaslighting too...

Question is OP How to deal with them?

It definitely sounds like gaslighting. They are making you out to be crazy and unreasonable when actually you are being level headed and reasonable.

Are they bullying you in other ways?

I wouldn't call it gaslighting. I'd just call it them being pillocks.

So what if it’s your PMT? Own it. It’s part of the delights of being a woman. It’s not like you’re chasing them with a knife and threatening murder (or if you are then you do actually need to seek help).

Sounds like they’re both just using it as an excuse to get out of doing something they don’t want to do.

What’s their excuse for being pillocks?

If it was me, the next time they did something that didn’t suit I’d be asking if it was time of the month – yes, even to DH.

Just say “yes, you’re right, glad we got that sorted” Every. Single. Time. Then carry on. Then when DH wants sex just say “nope, time of the month, just like you told me earlier”.

Your DD’s probably picked this up from your DH unless she’s old enough to have periods and understand the joys of PMT herself.

My "d"p does this to me, to the point that any issue I dare bring up is put down to my hormones. Apparently it's the same week every month, he has been saying that for two week so far this month and I haven't had a period for 55 days now so it's definitely not that.

How old is your daughter?

This is a form of abuse called 'triangulation'. Your husband is using your daughter, she is going along with it now as she doesn't know any better, but she will probably regret this when she is older.
I know its hard for you to see this right now because you are on the receiving end, but he is also abusing your daughter by using her in this way.
https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-triangulation

In your shoes, I would leave them both.

Totally unacceptable for them to be ganging up on you like this and claiming it’s your pmt-poor hormonal woman who can’t control herself during her time of the month! I’d be fuming. I think they’re lazy and enjoying taking the mick out of you. Is your dd à daddy’s girl?