First relationship after break up

[Allmyghosts]

I have noticed a pattern, and experienced it myself where the first relationship after a long term relationship has broken up seems to be abusive

I had a long relationship with 3 kids resulting, we split and the next guy I got involved with was a fucking horror show. The textbook definition of a covert narcissist, he really fucked my head up. I used to think the ex I had kids with was awful, but he is a pussycat compared to this headfucker (still not great, I still think he is a dick).

It does seem to be a pattern, why is this? Thankfully he put me off old for life and I have ceased to give a shit about men. It seems to happen again and again though that the first relationship fucks women's heads up. God hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I have experienced this too. I think it has to do with being in a vulnerable place, possibly low self esteem, and wanting something to work out so much you ignore all the warning signs. I've been part of a couple for almost all my adult life so being alone was scary and thinking no one would ever find me attractive again. So I got sucked in to the big act which eventually crumbled and just left me hurt. I'm now staying single until someone earns a place in my otherwise amazing life. And I want to be a good example to my children of what a healthy relationship looks like.

@Allmyghosts That is awful. Can't blame you for feeling this way. We have to take steps to prevent us from being hurt again.
@Findingmeagain I think sometimes we try to see the best in people even if it's not really there. That and some people are good and hiding their true self.

Same here, was married along time, couldn't deal with being by myself and got involved in someone that I really fancied to feel alive again but wasn't a good person to put it kindly, it was like self torture trying to make it work.
So my standards now are so high, not sure if it's because I'm now cold hearted or every man seems to have a red flag, I've been single for years now.

When you've been in a long relationship, you trusted/got used to long term commitment, however most people you encounter won't be right for long term and that comes a problem when you don't put a stop to bad behaviour/incompatibility and binning them at the beginning.