DP Whacked My Leg

[ConfusedndTired]

NC for this.

DP and I just had a massive row. he’s had a few drinks tonight and has just turned into a vile excuse for a human being.

We have a 5.5 month old son who isn’t sleeping very well at the moment. DS woke up when we came to bed and I couldn’t resettle him, asked DP to help as it’s always all on me in the night. He rocked the crib for a bit and then asked me to take over, said he needed a wee and kicked off at me for asking. Came back from the toilet and got back into bed so I called him out for not continuing to help. Then all hell broke lose, I’ve never known him to have such an attitude, he was clearly more drunk than I realised as he wasn’t making much sense but he’s usually such a loving person when he’s had a drink. I can’t even remember what happened now but we were both speaking to each other with raised voices and then he slammed his arm down on the bed where my shin was, it wasn’t hard but I have no idea whether he meant to hit me or if it was just frustration. I’m just so confused, this is so out of the ordinary and unlike him. Do I just put it down to the drink and sleep deprivation or should I leave?

There is a big difference between putting your arm down on the bed in a moment of frustration / self expression and accidentally banging someone's shin, and slamming your arm down on their leg with the intention of hurting them.

Which do you think it was?

And a night when he is drunk isn't a night to give him responsibility for the baby or get into an argument about your concerns.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. Do you have another room you can go to with your baby now until tomorrow morning ?

I honestly have no idea, it was dark so neither of us could see.

You're right about not giving him responsibility of the baby when he’s drunk, I didn’t realise he was drunk though. I just thought he’d had a gin after dinner.

Baby and I are upstairs and he’s gone to sleep downstairs thankfully.

What was his response when you cried out or told him that he had hurt you? Apologetic? Said it was an accident or swearing?
first one tell him to get to fuck on the sofa
second one call the police and leave the house

Sounds like you are both exhausted! Those are the hardest sleep deprived times.
Agree with PO that tonight is/was definitely not a good night to get him to help. He shouldn't be caring for a baby under the influence.

Also agree that you need to be clear on what happened.
He accidentally put his hand down on your shin on the bed while clumsy and drunk? Fine, it's an accident.
He deliberately hit your leg and hurt you? Absolutely not. Definite red flag and I'm so sorry it happened. I would leave.

It's such a delicate and difficult time when you are so so tired and they are so young. It will get better I promise

An arm banging a leg in a bed in the dark during a conversation really isn't an issue if that was all it was and you have zero evidence it was anything more than that.

Glad you are in separate spaces to cool off. Have these conversations when you are both sober and not in the middle fo the night.

It doesn't sound like he intentionally hurt you.

What happened between that and him going to sleep downstairs?

I understand your frustration but i don't know why you would want his help knowing he has had 'a few drinks'. Not super responsible of either of you.

I'd have a chat with him when he's sober. Remind him how he behaved and ask him to consider how he's going to prevent it in the future I.e. not become that intoxicated again.
If he continues to behave this way then he needs to leave. Next time it could be a fist slam on baby's bed....

Sounds like an accident tbh.......