Been with husband 21 years and we have 1 ds who is 10 years old. Husband been up and down with depression but refuses medical help and manages it with a healthy diet, altho drinks beers every evening that he's not at work. However, I think he is just a glass half empty kind of guy. Constantly rants about politics and world news with nothing much upbeat to ever say. He's constantly immersed in conspiracy theories from social media and is always harping on about it and gets cross if I don't engage or show that I believe in it too or if I don't act interested enough. I find myself swerving family and social occasions because I'm not comfortable with misery guts in social occasions and I recognise this prevents me having true and proper relationships. (I worry I'll regret this so much in future). He'll get irate at the slightest things. Often about money, bills, food in the fridge; home improvement ideas or news stories or his opinions on general things. God forbid f I ever try to disagree on anything or put a differentopinion across. He's not physically aggressive but i think he would be if i argued back or tried to make my point, but I don't because I'm constantly trying to keep things ok for my ds. He has pushed me and thrown things in the past but not so much now because i don't stand up to him as I try to minimise his escalating temper for my ds. He's very quick to raise his voice and shout at me and is just unable to have a conversation without losing his temper and shouting. Literally everything is my fault! He is so volatile! I feel so much hatred from him but there seems no real reason. I have kept on staying for my ds sake. Ds is an only child, multiple learning difficulties which is a constant worry. He loves his dad, but he has said to me, daddy is not very nice to you which is heartbreaking and true. There is no love, thoughtfulness or kindness in the relationship, its just dead and its awful! Its like he can't see past himself, his feelings, his wants, his likes, his needs in absolutely everything! It feels like i'm just living with a horrible pig! But I think if I did say I wanted us to split he would threaten suicide as he said that once before when I suggested we couldn't carry on like we were. The only saving is he works nights and I work days so there's lots of time that we are not around each other but he works 4 on 4 off so there's still lots of days where he is around. Husband has no family in the area, low income job, no savings. Where would he go? We have a mortgage home together. I don't want to go and live with my elderly parents, although they do live nearby. But at the same time I so want to leave this miserable situation, but it feels impossible financially. How do I even begin to go about it unless I just walk out and go to my mum and dad's? They don't know how I'm feeling but they wouldn't be shocked if I told them. I don't think they're very keen on him anyway. Then there's ds, this is his home with friends on the street and school around the corner. We live in quite a remote countryside area so housing and jobs are limited. My job at the moment is a short walk from our home in the village. I so want to go but I don't know how? It almost seems easier to suffer the daily grind of misery than to navigate getting out of this as I don't think either of us can financially survive outside the current set up.