Finding love again as single parent

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

Hi all,
I am feeling quite lost at the moment. I have an amazing four month old baby but his father, who was a lockdown romance but I was really in love with and recently engaged to, left me when I was 8 months pregnant. Visits baby a lot but he is very certain our romantic relationship ship is over so I am trying to just see him as a colleague now and loon forwards.
I would love to hear advice or success stories of how anyone has managed to move on from a situation like this and find love again, and how do you navigate dating and having a baby etc. I am still grieving the traditional family but I would like to manifest a beautiful blended family one day!

I'm a solo mother by choice (had my child using a sperm donor) so slightly different situation, but in terms of trying to navigate dating etc. I've only been on coffee dates (usually on my lunch break) and so far I haven't met anyone I'd be willing to pay a babysitter for (not enough chemistry/interest on either or both sides), to see them for longer, and certainly not anyone I'd introduce my child to!

I'm not really interested in cohabitating with a man/getting married or blending families (I'm very happy and secure in my set up) but it would be nice to meet someone for 'me' for companionship and intimacy. I don't really have much free time so the time I do have spare I use it for other things such as meeting friends/going to exhibitions/doing things for myself etc. meeting someone isn't a priority, it's more a bit of fun with zero expectations.

4 months? Personally I would wait till your child is older. My "baby" is 6 and I still haven't dated but that's because I get no time off so impossible really. Wouldn't even think about dating with a 4m old tbh

it's hard to get your head around but try to adjust to the idea being single. dating is a near impossibility for a lot of single parents, and introducing someone to your kid's life is harder than you can imagine. Focus on your child and don't go chasing relationships for the sake of it. I wish I had done the same, I got involved in a number of very short term flings but they were a disaster and I wish I hadn't now. Happy being single, even if it is tough.

Oh definitely not planning to date any time soon, only focus now is baby, just want to hear success stories so I can feel more positive about the future possibilities (in this part of my life) as the worry of being single forever and not being able to be in love again until I'm in my 50s is worrying me!

I’ve got a 4 and a 6 year old and I’m my late 30s.

I waited for 18 months from the break up to do any dating.

I’ve just started in the last few months. Not looking for anything serious really (unless something absolutely amazing showed up). But it’s been great to go out on dates and reconnect to that part of myself. It’s a been a bit of rollercoaster but also very fun. Great to be out there discovering what I like (or don’t like again).

I almost feel glad to get to experience this side of life again rather than settling in a mundane middle aged relationship. Those heady first bits of mutual attraction and occasionally amazing first dates make up for some of the rougher sides of the experience! I think you just just need to be really solid in yourself.

I use a babysitter, or time when my ex has the children (although he is flakey and away a lot for work) or do some creative scheduling for daytime coffee or lunch as I’m freelance.

Hello! It's very possible when you're ready.
A success story to balance any horrors you might hear: I met my partner when I had a 3 year old, no kids of his own but was very keen to have some. We went SLOWLY, and DP was patient and understanding on the many occasions I needed to put DD first (missing events with his family, strangely timed dates, cancelling stuff when she was poorly). 3 years on, living together, we are expecting another and DP shares the school run and will do solo bedtime if I'm out at yoga/work/seeing friends, which DD loves as he's more fun than me. He leaves decision making to me and DD's dad, doesn't come to parents evenings or nativities etc.

Tips: go for someone utterly KIND and don't rule people out based on your type, job, looks (to an extent) or height. Be transparent and realistic about what you can commit to. Don't waste time dating anyone you have doubts about.

In a similar situ, leaning a relationship where we are great friends but that's it. Looking forward to sharing parenting but also rediscovering myself and hopefully meeting someone new. I don't plan to introduce anyone to my children for a LONG time and wouldn't move a man into their home unless it was extremely serious, many many years in...

Where did you meet your partner @AlexandraOrlov

I was on my own for four years , after I split with my eldest child’s father . I met my now dp of twenty years through mutual friends we now have two dc together.

@roarfeckingroarr Hinge! Only met 4 people total, only 2 made it to a second date. Video call once little one is asleep is a pretty low risk way of vetting (you don't even need to buy a coffee!)
Didn't meet anyone who had an issue with me having a child, but I was going for 30-40 year olds for whom it seemed priced in that that might be an option?

Hi @AlexandraOrlov
i have just come back on here to thank you as I really remembered your advice when I dipped by toe into dating apps in December… I had kindness at the top of my list and I have met someone who indeed was not my usual type in terms of height etc but is lovely, so understanding of my situation (he’s a dad himself) and is so kind to me. Extremely early days but I’m so glad I asked advice last year and listened to this one as it helped me manifest someone who treats me very kindly and (so far) seems to be the total opposite to my ex.

I am so happy for you! Glad you found one of the good ones and are being treated as kindly as you deserve.