Why am I finding MH post separation harder rather than easier?

[PotsnPan]

I’m sorry I keep posting on here but my MH has never been so low, and I’m facing some dark places. All possible professional help in place, 2 weeks into AD, amazing support from girlfriends, he left 10 weeks ago tomorrow and I feel as though I am dying, or that a part of me has died.

yes if you’ve read my previous posts you’ll see that my H hasn’t treated me brilliantly but I can’t stop mourning for the past 13 years, especially since he has cut me off completely, as if I never meant anything to him. I’ve given him the gift of a stepdaughter and I’ve put my body through the wringer trying to give him a baby and now it’s like I don’t even matter as a human being

I feel so ill, I can’t find my worth, I just want to go to sleep tbh

should I not be getting better rather than worse? Could it be the AD? I’ve been taking them for 2 weeks today, I’ve been told they can take up to 4 weeks to start working. I just feel tortured.

if you got this far, thanks for reading

2 weeks and indeed 4 weeks is early

Est 6 weeks for a difference if on setraline

how old is your daughter?

No not this soon. You are mourning the loss of what could have been and going through rejection.

It's very common to go through a time of feeling far worse but it really does get better. It is a lot of change for your brain to process.

Hi @Successstory82 I’m on mirtazapine. I’ve been told that it shouldn’t give me suicidal thoughts but I’m having increased dark thoughts over the past week or so. I just don’t feel as if anything is real, I feel disassociated. My girl is 20, my heart breaks for her having to see me like this whilst dealing with the breakdown of her family

I remember your other thread in particular

* DD has told me I’m making her miserable so I’m trying but I feel so scared and alone. DD also telling me that her life as she knew it is over with the breakdown of our family *

op - did you have MH issues before now?
could you and your daughter go away together

you need to pull yourself up OP. Your DD hasn’t left and he’s not worth a fingernail off her hand, so I’m sorry to be brutal - but it’s time to put your big girl pants on

@Successstory82 nope, aside from a bit of anxiety every now and then that had never affected my day to day life. I think that’s maybe why I’m so overwhelmed by how I’m feeling right now.

and yes, you are entirely correct about me pulling myself together but I don’t know where to start, I’ve just not got it in me. This isn’t just the last 10 weeks, it’s been a very long time building up and I’ve managed to carry on being the strong me, and now I feel absolutely broken

I haven't read your previous threads but just want to remind you that many people block/stop talking to an ex-partner in order to detach and be able to move on. Also, maybe he doesn't feel like having a stepdaughter was a gift and this has nothing to do with your or her worth. I don't know what took place between you but he is acting as someone who wanted to go away , which is what he did and this hurts. There's not much one can do but try to get back to some sort of routine and endure the pain for some time while knowing it will get easier with time (not easy and glad that you have support in place).

Obsviously I don't know about what happened, but I've been through a traumatic break-up and can relate to what you are going through based on this post.

It will get better. 💐

Hi @Inthetropics - in this detacher’s case though, he was still telling me he loved me up until he left, despite our relationship having gone sour. He’s had MH problems for years, and I’ve tried my best to be there for him and now I’m the one who’s ended up in this state.

can I ask how long it took you to get over the worst as I’m not sure how much more I can take of this

thank you for replying

Thank you @Hillrunning - have you been there yourself?

@PotsnPan big hugs hun I know how your feeling it’s awful my husband walked out and left me and our 6 year old son 10 weeks ago, when a was at a meeting for our son as he has asd , it wasn’t till teatime when a got back with kids to find out he had moved out ! He seen our son once in 10weeks and no bother since. My boy thinks the sun shines out daddy bum I just tell him daddy’s at working making lots of penny’s for him. I have been on my ad now for 7 weeks and I feel a lot better, I still have my off days but o keep pushing my self for the kids and i no one day he will regret what he done to us xx

Oh my goodness @Kindheartedperson, my heart goes out to you. Did you know it was on the cards? We’d had months of him to-ing and fro-ing but he kept telling me loved me, wanted to work it out etc. I hope your children are okay.

can I ask what AD you’re on? I’m on mirtazapine

sending you lots of hugs - we’ve got this!

Where's he gone?

Is there someone else ?

Some people will tell you how much they love you and that they'll will be with you forever and leave the next day. Some may still love their partner and yet feel like they need to leave, both at the same time.

It took me 4 months to get over the worst and 3 more months to feel like myself again. What helped me (and I should have done this earlier) was to take care of my basic needs the same way I would for a friend. So I made a huge effort to just take care of myself, so 3 decent meals a day, made my bed, got up in a reasonable time even on weekends, all those things that I'd urge a friend to do if were to se them going through this.

@PotsnPan good morning hope your feeling better today, i never seen it coming that he was moving out he sorted all of that while a was at work, i was the one that worked full time paid everything he had life luxury come and go as he pleased. We did have arguments but that’s normal no one’s marriage is perfect! I did everything in the house it was a mess every time I got in from work so after 13 hour shift I would be standing there doing dishes while he was a sleep up stairs 🤦‍♀️😳. I’m taking fluoxetine am on 40mgs not gonna lie it did take a good few weeks before a started to feel better. Like a said a still have me off days and there not a day the goes pass that a don’t think of him but a spent nearly 12 years with that man and I never thought he would hurt me oh our boy like that’ but I guess we just never no anyone do we if you want to drop me a private message your more then welcome to x