Hi there - sorry, long post!
i could do with a bit of perspective on how I’m feeling - which is utterly, utterly hopeless and so very sad for the future.
I was with my dp for 18 months and it was a wonderful relationship. Not rose tinted spectacles - we are both divorced with small children - but very real. Late last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer and he was great throughout.
I have been on some big medications and doing pretty well - although recently we took a long weekend trip away and I really struggled with feeling overwhelmed. I didn’t vocalise it well and was quite withdrawn, and a bit cold.
Cut to the chase - he dumped me when we got back. Fairly coldly - took all his stuff, and promptly stopped communicating with any warmth at all. But the worst part that is absolutely killing me, is that he went back online dating within two weeks. With one photo I took of him on a trip we took in Jan straight after my cancer op, and one I took of him on our recent trip to Italy where he dumped me after. I’m just so gutted about the break up - but trying to tell
myself that someone who does that is not mentally/emotionally the best partner anyway. It seems pretty brutal. And if I’m honest, disrespectful.
He said the reason was something I said about his children back in January (we both have children) - I know not to judge other people’s parenting but there in my mind were some big flags around health neuroses and quite extreme overprotective behaviour and in the end I said something. I probably didn’t say it well, but in essence I stand by what I said. And now he says that is what he can’t get over. I apologised and apologised - took responsibility for anything I may have done badly, suggested we talk it through with counselling if helpful - but he just shut down. I think that in itself is symptomatic of the slightly strange, impenetrable forces around his children (they barely go to school as they are always ill, they seem to have no friends, they rarely go out, have a list of slightly bonkers intolerances as long as your arm, won’t take medicine - yet he was quite superior about them compared to anyone else).
That said, I feel bereft. Probably because the cancer is a double whammy with it all. “Who’s going to want me now” etc etc.
If anyone wanted to give my hand a little squeeze, I would be very grateful. I have two gorgeous children and am struggling to keep a happy mum face going and I feel like an utter failure xx