My DH and I had a baby boy last year after some years of fertility issues, treatments and a couple of losses. We are of course besotted with him. If it's relevant, we are in our 40s.
We have finally arranged his baptism for a couple of weeks time and we've booked a meal afterwards for those attending. Invites were sent out yesterday.
I have an older brother who is married (for 20+ years) and who has 4 children with his wife (2 boys and 2 girls). We aren't close in terms of speaking very frequently, but he's always been there for me over the years and we do share a bond. I get along with DSIL well too, and my nieces and nephews. I'm godmother to one of my nephews.
I also have a half sister who is much, much younger than me (my own dad died when I was a young teen). My sister and I used to be very close when she was growing up (she spent most of her school holidays with me, etc) but since she got into her mid teens that faded. I've tried to stay close to her but she doesn't share much of her life with me, and bans my mum from disclosing her shenanigans with me (but I do know many).
When our son was born my sister came to see him and only stayed for maybe 20 mins (enough time for her to pose for photos). Since then she has visited us once with her bf and I feel the real motive behind the visit was to show off her bf. The only other times she has seen me or my son are when I have visited my mum (she still lives at home).
She was bridesmaid at our covid wedding and that caused some stresses (she kicked up a stink at the hairdressing trial and refused to wear the dresses I had picked).
My sister is very highly strung. If you try to disagree or confront her on anything (no matter how small), she will cause a riot and be out of control. I believe my mum enables this behaviour by appeasing her and pandering to her. When I've tried to speak to mum about things, my mum gets defensive with me and it causes tension. I've accepted that my sister's feelings will always come first.
So, my DH and I decided to ask my brother and his wife to be godparents to our son as we feel they are good role models and, being similar in age, are mature and their life is very stable. They've brought their kids up well and all attend church, etc.
Broke the news to mum yesterday and she responded positively agreeing that they will be great godparents. I expressed that I hoped my sister wouldn't feel hurt but relayed the reasons for our choice (only mentioning positive reasons for our choice).
As we had anticipated many months ago when we made the decision, sister has caused a riot. Received a text from mum in a colder tone an hour later that sister is hurt and crying, and another text soon after to say that sister won't be attending baptism and mother is "staying out of it". I simply replied "ok".
I've been crying on and off ever since and am really hurt. I can understand my sister being disappointed at not being chosen but to now boycott the baptism really feels like a bold statement of "f you ". It feels like "if I can't be godmother (or centre of all attention) then I don't want anything to do with him. She could be his favourite auntie if she wants to be but that all depends on her own behaviour!
I'm also hurt that my mum is "staying out of it". It's not fair that she's stuck in the middle but it feels (as usual) like she's siding with my sister. No-one ever calls out my sisters behaviour because she just yells obscenities back at them and starts punching things. She is quite often out of control.
I've bent over backwards for my sister throughout her life over the years, never asking (or receiving) much in return. I've been there for every milestone. This feels like such a slap in the face and I don't think I will ever forgive her for this.
Sorry for the long rant - just had to get off my chest.