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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to move on

4 replies

Latenitemum · 01/06/2023 22:36

Hello, I've posted on here quite a few times over the last 3 years and I could really do with some support getting over the final hurdle now.
Just to recap - DH had an EA 3 years ago which lasted over 2 years, he fell in love although they never met and since him having his head turned, he has broken me as a person. He's been emotionally abusive, blamed me for every fight / argument we had in the past 25 years - he has told me that one day i will realise the problem was me and he will never be able to get over his feelings of hate towards me. My version is I was always reacting to his disrespect towards me etc. I'm not perfect, I can sulk, can be stubborn and over-react, mostly this was because i would catch him speaking to other girls - sometimes when we were in an argument and sometimes when i thought things were OK in our marriage.
He does not speak to me anymore, any conversation we have leads to us arguing - mostly because i wont see things his way.
He's completely left the marriage and to be honest, i think he did years ago. He said his EA was his way of realising he no longer wanted to be with me.
I not only feel deeply betrayed but I feel that our 25 year marriage was a complete lie - this I find really hard to accept.
We are divorcing now and still living in the same house - the divorce will be completed in the next couple of months and I need to know how to move forward from this.
I hardly sleep at night, i average about 4 hours. I wake up with this pain in my chest and a deep feeling of dread - I feel my future will be sad and alone and I will be alone. In my thoughts, he will move on without a care in the world and will probably find someone and settle down.
I hate going to sleep at night because I know I will wake with the feeling of dread - how do I stop this happening? I am an emotional person and I suffer with anxiety too - so this really drains me every morning and i can only just pull myself to carry on with my day.
Has anyone else felt like this? Does it eventually go? DD will be going to Uni just as our divorce is finalised, i will be alone and it scares me.
Any words of support would really help x

OP posts:
Japanesejazz · 01/06/2023 22:52

It does get better
It’s a rough road
I felt everything you have noted and threw up everything I ate it was awful
I had to concentrate on my girls, and they are amazing people
Dont be afraid to be alone

curlychocs · 01/06/2023 23:23

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Read this

Zarataralara · 01/06/2023 23:32

When you finally get out of a toxic marriage your life gets better.
There’ll be down days of course, but never as down as he’s made you feel.
Do something different, if you can afford to go on a holiday, volunteer abroad or at least somewhere different. Go stargazing, anything that you’ve never done before. Think of the things you will do just for you.

Latenitemum · 02/06/2023 11:13

Thank you for your replies, doing something that makes me happy is taking a step forward x

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