To bring this up or let things fizzle out?

[ECJW85]

I’ve been dating someone for around 2-3 months now. I find them so attractive physically, they have a great personality, so kind, I find them quite mysterious (I usually read people so well but with them I can’t and I find that really intriguing and attractive in a way) however one thing that is lacking is communication and it’s really starting to bother me.

They drive for work so I don’t expect to hear from them throughout the day which is fine - but on most days I don’t even get a morning message like before work or after work either - for example they finished work at 5pm today and they still haven’t replied to my message from around 4-5pm, I doubt I’ll get one tonight at all now. To them, they are just very chilled out about getting back to people but to me it shows a lack of care or thought towards that person, like a lack of effort.

I don’t feel like I’m in a position to call them out about it though, it’s just such a shame because I really like everything else about them but I don’t want to waste my time - should I bring it up to them in a casual way or should I just leave things to fizzle out and stop making the effort back?

This person knows how to contact you so when they choose to do so, will be in touch. Don’t chase as it will make you seem needy.

Maybe you are more of an option than a priority?

In your shoes I’d back off and keep busy with friends and other activities. Anything you then get from him/her will be a bonus.

You need to tell him your needs.
I always find it a bit sad when we can voice our needs in fear of loosing someone, and then were they really worth it if they decide you are too needy which you are not, its common curtesy to reply back.

If he has form, after 2 to 3 months of dating, to not reply to your messages, its not laziness, its simple, he just is not that bothered.

If he was interested he would want to hear from you and reply

@Stratocumulus I don’t see it as needy if they are able to post on social media etc but blatantly ignore your messages…

@Shoutatthewind Yeah I think I might just bring it up and then leave the ball in their court as to whether they think it’s needy or not…

So had you spoken today at all? I'd say if you've already spoken then you need to possibly calm the anxiety down. Perhaps time to have a chat about what you expect from communication?

Fwiw I've noticed if a guy is interested you can ignore them and they'll eventually come knocking again, chasing after you. If you're having to chase them (outside of normal communication) then chances are they just aren't that into you. As someone said busy yourself with your life and give him space to miss you.

Literally once or twice very briefly - I don’t mind as they drive all day for work but if you’ve been getting to know someone over the course of several weeks I would expect a quick text at the end of the day catching up on how our days went etc - I thought that was just a normal thing to do because you’re interested in that person? They are also a nightmare to pin down to actually make plans with, I know they are a very shy person etc but I’m not going to wait around forever and waste my time

I'd move on it sounds like too much effort to me.

You say dating them, has there been a chat about being exclusive? It could be he just wants something casual rather than a relationship where you'd keep in touch more. Talk him about where it's going and that you'd like more communication, don't fear being needy or pressurising, if you don't want the same, you'll waste time being too cool about things.

@samestyle yeah sort of - they made it clear they was only dating me and that they wouldn’t like the idea of me dating other people - with the person they are personality wise, I genuinely think they don’t see it as a big deal being in touch with someone regularly, but I need that reassurance whether that’s needy or not…

It doesn't sound like you're being needy, you've sent one message at 4pm and he's still not replied, i wouldn't be that impressed either, if you're really into someone, you can't wait to hear from them, it's not like you're wanting constant messaging. From my experience men that don't communicate daily, don't want a relationship.

Did he wants you to only date him, but is my interested in actually being available to date properly? Bin him.