When should my baby dad see my son? Help!

[Lgn2023]

Just looking for some advice..

I have recently split up with my partner but we have a beautiful 4 month year old baby boy, I am on maternity leave and he works.

We are being friendly and working on developing a friendship for the sake of our child and we would love to be in a place where we can go out on days out all together etc

I have so much anxiety, I’m worried about how this will effect my baby? Will this confuse him? Is he going to be ok going from home to home?

also, we are not agreeing one single bit on his time with him, he either wants our baby every weekend Friday till Sunday or he said he is willing to quit his job (he earns good money so can still make good money from working Saturday and Sunday every week) and said he will have him all week and me on weekends, despite me trying to be civil he has literally said these are my two options or he is taking me to court.

OVBIOUSLY the week day one is not even a option, I love my boy so much and would sacrifice anything and everything for me to bring him up, but even every weekend? This just seems way to much for me .. am I being selfish, unfair? He is only 4 months old and when he can make his own choices fair enough, I said to the dad I would be more than happy for every Friday him to stay over and he can see him after the work in the week and if we was on friendly terms we can even do days out together etc.

what do I do ladies?? I am also going back to work soon (part time) and going to put him into child care and my mum will have him too some days so the weekend will be my only days with him too?

the thought of him having him every weekend breaks my heart but is this me being selfish? I want my son to have a relationship with his dad so is this a sacrifice that I have to make?

to add to this, does anyone know what my right to child maintence is? He is both of our only child and he earns around £220 a day but is only paying me £44 a week - is this right? It’s difficult because our baby only drinks ready to feed milk and won’t drink powder so he is costing £8 a day to feed alone!

No Court would allow your ex to have a 4 month baby 5 days a week, maybe once baby is much older they would consider 50/50. Are your breastfeeding as this will also obviously make a difference. Also you can put in a claim from CMS they will sort out what money he should be paying. If you do want him to visit, start with an hour a couple of times each week, with you present.

He clearly want things his way or no way. All week? Quit his job? Or every weekend? how was your relationship prior to splitting up? what were the reasons ?

Reason I am asking is if this was an abusive relationship then this is a classic tactic to keep you in line. YOU. It would have zero to do with your DS.

Most of the time that is the case.

If you split up due to differences. And he is a genuinely nice individual who wants to be around, work on your friendship and be for his DS, then he will understand that while your DS is so young, a whole weekend is too much, you need time to adjust being a mum, and a single mum at that, and him wading in with demands is unsettling. Tell him, if he is a reasonable sort a guy, that when the time is right you two can sit down and come up with a reasonable plan that is going to benefit your DS, not disrupt and create chaos and unhappiness.

He sounds controlling with his demands and if he was reasonable and caring towards you as the mother of his DS, then he would not be threatening you with court would he?

This would be massively damaging to a baby and no court would allow it. I’d let him take you to court for contact. The baby should not be away from its primary caregiver which is you. Is he on the birth certificate? If he is and has parental rights then that means if he gets hold of the baby he could refuse to give him back. YOU’D have to take HIM to court to see your baby.

I was left single when pregnant and feared all of these things. Have a conversation with a solicitor, facilitate their relationship and I would suggest spending time together for the baby (if you can) to avoid the separation. I would stand firm on no overnights for now as you want your baby with you, you are only just out of the 4th trimester

Are you breastfeeding?

Weird you don't want to be apart from your baby but think the dad should be OK with it.

He has as much right to be with the baby as you do.

However. Its unlikely he would be awarded even overnight stays at this stage. Build up to them when the baby is older

There is a calculator to work out maintenance

Given his attitude of separating a 4 month old baby from its primary carer I would be firm and say baby does nit leave your sight until there is a court order in place wwhich has an order attached enabling the police to retrieve the baby if he fails to return him to you.

Those are absolutely NOT your only options and court would give you considerably more time given baby's age. DO NOT give up every weekend with your child as when you return to work ir your child starts school precise t will be set and you will get all the grunt work and none of the special time - again no court would allow him this.

Go and see a solicitor. It sounds as though he's feeding you a load of rubbish to scare you- a solicitor will out your straight (and you cannot afford NOT to!)

Maintenance - CMS is your friend. Though if he's earning a day rate that suggests he's self employed. Sadly CMS are crap at extracting money from self employed absent parents so be prepared to be dissapointed if that's the case. If he is paid through an agency or employed directly you will stand a better chance. (You should be getting 11% of his take home... maybe work on about 50% of his dayrate as take home... a quick calculation on £32,500 gives approx £74 a week... so he's underpaying. But your knew that.)

You're not both trying- he isnt, so you shouldn't. Book into mediation- if a plan can not be agreed to, then it's court. His expectations of a 4 month old is selfish and he will not be awarded primary custody because he quits his job. Is the baby BF or FF? If BF- offer 2 hour visits regularly- preferable in your home and you can go out if you have family near by and your comfortable having him there. You do not need to facilitate days out together- you're not together

Why are people asking about breastfeeding when she’s clearly said her baby will only drink ready made milk and it’s costing her a fortune? It’s in her one and only post.

OP, apply through the CMS for the full amount you’re owed, he’s taking the piss big time.

Stop discussing contact with him, he’s being ridiculous and you need proper mediation. Let him arrange it.

As if he’s going to quit his job, he really won’t so don’t give it anymore headspace.

Stop trying to be amicable, he isn’t. Days out together are a looong way off if they happen at all.

You think a 4 month old baby who has only ever known its mother should be placed with her father 5 days a week? The op has literally said she wants them to have contact. But starting at a couple of hours at a time, evenings after his work, overnights at hers and days out together initially. She’s clearly thinking of her baby rather than herself. Even teenagers don’t get awarded every single weekend with their father as the contact is unbalanced and unfair

You posted exactly the same last night ?

It’s not ‘weird’, it’s called nature.

Friend of mine has 4 month old. Dad has baby 2 early evenings of 3 hours each week and one day at the weekend for 8 hours. No overnights.

Can you not discuss the arrangements for care of your child via a Mediator? Certainly in Scotland this would be expected before a Court would make a ruling.
Your child is not going to be ready for some years to decide where he will live.
My children used to do 2 week nights with their Dad one week and the next they did 4 nights to include weekend time.