Not sure how we’re going to move on

[Jaz107]

Me and my ex were together for 8 years - broke up for a year (still lived together) and then last month decided to try things again.

In the year we were apart about 7 months in I started seeing someone for about 8 weeks , nothing serious but I never thought me and my then ex would get back together. We broke up for numerous reasons the main things being he kept getting cold feet about us and chatting up other women - basically thinking the grass was greener.

In the whole 8 years of our relationship I never once strayed and was 100% dedicated to him so when he last broke up with me I’d had enough of being messed about. When my ex found out I was seeing someone he hit the roof and decided to start seeing people him self - slept with 2 different people because I’d hurt him.

The rules we set to start again was to not keep bringing up the past and move forward. Every now and then he keeps asking questions relating to the past and refuses to see my friends or family yet as it’ll be awkward.
I feel like he’s never going to get over the fact I was seeing someone else. It’s hard for me to get over the things he’s done /said but I haven’t once brought it up because I want it to be a clean slate.

When do I know I’m just wasting my time ?

You’ve posted about this before haven’t you?

Very silly to get back with him.

You know now. Just leave

What is it about him that makes you want to put up with him? Do you have children together or hope to have children and get married? I think you know when you've been wasting your time when 8 years later you still find yourself in the same pattern and no further on. You say you have set new rules to move forward but he is refusing to meet your friends and family which seems unreasonable. Set a time limit and if he is still behaving unfairly ditch him, as whatever keeps drawing you back to him will end up preventing you from really finding self-respect and contentment until it might be too late. You admit that he kept getting cold feet and thinking the "grass was always greener". That's not a nice feeling to have as a woman and if jealousy is the only thing to make him interested in you again it's not a good place to start. It sounds like he always wants what he can't have. I would set out a list of things in your life that you want to achieve or that mean something to you without him and really focus on you, not him if he shows no signs of changing.

Were you each others first loves?

He is showing you, loud and clear, that if you challenge him on the things he does behind your back, then you will be conditioned into submission, and it sounds like he is having success there. Yes you are devoted, that is what it means when you are in an exclusive relationship, its not a sometimeship.

Find your worth. He is not it. He may sound it when he wants to reel you back in like a yoyo, saying all the things he knows will work to get you back, but its on you to fix, amend, stay put, and shut up.

He is treating you appallingly. Why would you want so little for you?

Run.

Now. You are wasting your time right now. The man’s a controlling tosser, please get rid, you can do so much better.