Friend's 13 year old daughter

[mandye2vx]

Whenever I see my friend's daughter she is completely rude, disrespectful and plain nasty. I believe she is also like this towards friend's longterm bf and other people who visit their home.
She seems to have no filter and will openly say to guests "your teeth are dirty", "those clothes are awful", "when are you leaving?" and other such rude things. There are question marks around whether this girl might be on the ASC spectrum, but no diagnosis and hasn't been referred to CAMHS according to what my friend tells me.
The girl behaves normally and respectfully around her dad and his side of the family, but treats her mum and everyone who matters to her mum like absolute dirt.
She gets to decide whether she feels like going to school or not.. Why the choice? She's the child. Gets to dictate what mum does in her free time, what programmes she watches on TV. Whenever given anything she just snatches, no manners or respect. Never says thanks for presents that other people give her (birthdays, xmas).
I just struggle being around this girl, but can't really see friend without her being around as we usually met at their house.
My friend usually looks embarrassed at the girl's outbursts but doesn't seem to discipline or have any consequences in place.

Well the problem isn't the child, is it. It's the lack of parenting/boundaries.

Odd that you see that as the child’s issue

Rather than profoundly piss poor parenting from your friend

If she can behave with dad and his side of the family then she knows exactly what she is doing.
Mum needs to step up and put an end to the behavior.

I should have said, my friend has 2 other kids and they're both great. Very polite, respectful and a pleasure to be around. Same upbringing, same dad and basically everything that same as the 13 yo has had.

I believe she is also like this towards friend's longterm bf and other people who visit their home

so you’ve been bitching about this with others?

and how do you know how she behaves with her father?

I know because the father is my cousin. I see him regularly.

So why are you describing her as " my friend's daughter " rather than "my cousin's daughter"?
Any way, have a word with your cousin about his daughter's rude behaviour to you and to the mother. He should be backing up the mum on this.

Well then she sounds a very troubled and unhappy child with seemingly no boundaries from her mother

She no doubt has boundaries with her father
Hence the change

I would wager she doesn’t like her mothers’s boyfriend and vice versa

Is her mother scared of her?
Does her mother ever tell her to stop being so rude?
Have you ever spoken to your cousin about how rude and disrespectful his daughter is to her mother and her side of the family.

Have you tried physically dragging a 13 year old into a car/along a path/into school?

It's not particularly unusual for Autistic children to find school so overwhelming they can't cope with attending. They need the right support (which unfortunately is not always forthcoming) and sometimes specialist provision.

The fact the other two kids are 'great' in comparison surely shows this isn't a lack of parenting but a parent struggling with a child who is likely neurodivergent. Maybe you should offer some support instead of botching behind their backs. Although I wouldn't want any off judgemental family personally.

It’s normal for children to behave differently in each house if their parents have split. I’d be encouraging your friend to ensure your cousin has more custody time so the DD is parented better and goes to school.