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Original poster

An men 'sniff out' women willing to be APs

20 replies

TinyBaby2023 · 01/06/2023 10:08

Just that really. My boss is a total sleaze, numerous affairs generally in office. The last one got found out about after about 3 years. The woman involved has left hurriedly. I just worry I am the next target as most of the others are men. He so far has been a perfect gentleman, but I know from several friends he has slept around for years. Just asking if I need to be looking for a new job really? I have never cheated on my OP nor do I intend to as it would devastate me if he did it to me. The boss has never been sleazy towards me just very polite and a bit overinteresred as in hey come over here and look at this so I am standing next to him (others present). I just don't want to put my relationship in jeporady, but on the other hand surely he can't cast some spell over me where I definitely ripping his clothes off. To add to the icck factor both his young daughters work there.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 01/06/2023 10:23

It's like any situation where people push boundaries. They do it in early subtle ways to begin with - a cheeky comment, a compliment, a light hearted criticism about their partner... so subtle that the person on the receiving end won't think anything of it but they don't intentionally and then gauge by your response whether you're receptive to it or not.

They'll cast many of these out to many people.

If your response is neutral, they won't bother again. If they get a sense you're flattered or you respond favourably, they'll do it again, eventually upping the ante.

So, if he does it, just don't respond.

hugefanofcheese · 01/06/2023 10:27

Sorry, I'm not totally clear on what you mean here.

So your boss is a known shagger in the office and you have subtle reason to think he may have set his sights on you- he is being a bit too friendly but nothing inappropriate yet. However, you're well aware of his behaviour so wouldn't be surprised if he starts making some sort of moves at some point. Got you thus far.

Is your concern how to knock him back/ put a stop to this without risking your job/ work atmosphere, or that you may get sucked in if he ramps up the flattery etc and end up actually having the affair and of course ruining your marriage? If so, why- is it that you would fancy him if circumstances were different?

Re your thread title, I think it is about opportunism rather than being able to detect potential willingness. You're probably just right age, sex, attractive enough and he's either shagged or tried all the other potentials.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 01/06/2023 10:29

Er... just say no?

NewNameNigel · 01/06/2023 10:31

Why would your relationship be in jeopardy over this? It seems to me that your boss has given you no indication that that he fancies you and that even if he did you wouldn't be interested in him. Why on earth are you feeling like you should be looking for a new job?

Ilovelurchers · 01/06/2023 10:34

It would be a bit mad to change jobs simply because you think the boss may find you attractive IF he hasn't done anything actually inappropriate in any way (it doesn't sound like he has from how you put it - forgive me if I am wrong, as I do know these things can be nuanced).

I also don't see why you fear this might jeopardise your relationship.

Obviously if his behaviour become coercive/ harassing, if you feel pressured into sex with him or he is making you uncomfortable with his conduct in any way etc etc, then that's totally different and yes he should be stopped by any means possible.

Do you have any reason to think he coerced the other women into sleeping with him? It's a big accusation to make (tho of course it does happen). But so do fully consensual work-place affairs.....

Peonyfun · 01/06/2023 10:37

What an unusual way to think. It reads almost hopeful that you’re next,

if you don’t wish to shag your boss ?and he’s given no indication he wants to shag you, then you just say no.

VWHoliday · 01/06/2023 10:38

Is he that gorgeous that you are scared you wouldn't be able to resist him 😂.

If not then I don't see why your marriage would be jeopardised.

YukoandHiro · 01/06/2023 10:42

Hang on, do you fancy him?

Of course you have control over your actions. He's your boss and that's it. The minute he takes one step too close to the line you firmly say "that's not professional please don't repeat that (comment/action/whatever)" and report him to HR if it happens again.

samestyle · 01/06/2023 10:43

If he hasn't made it obvious by now then I think you are safe, besides you always say no.

UsernameNotAvailableNow · 01/06/2023 10:46

I think you're getting unfairly slated on this OP. I have had a boss like this and they absolutely do sniff people out just as a PP described. The small comments, boundary pushing.

It takes up a lot of mental energy to manage as you end up being more guarded because on some level, even if it's just your gut instinct, you know there is a predator sniffing around.

Ours had been having multiple affairs spanning his long career/marriage. So gross.

AnOKYearForTheRoses · 01/06/2023 10:52

It’s not the morning tea run, you don’t have to take turns.

What a strange way of thinking, OP.

TheDogthatDug · 01/06/2023 11:00

So your boss hasn't actually made a move on you? I can't see what the problem is tbh

ShimmeringShirts · 01/06/2023 11:00

If you don’t want to have an affair with him…. Don’t? You’re right, he can’t cast a spell on you. If you sleep with him consensually it’s your own choice. If you don’t want to get naked and fuck his brains out you simply don’t do it. Not at all sure why you’d even be worried about it.

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 01/06/2023 11:01

I think you're in a little bit of a psychological folie à deux with your boss, OP.

Peonyfun · 01/06/2023 11:15

YukoandHiro · 01/06/2023 10:42

Hang on, do you fancy him?

Of course you have control over your actions. He's your boss and that's it. The minute he takes one step too close to the line you firmly say "that's not professional please don't repeat that (comment/action/whatever)" and report him to HR if it happens again.

Yes I wondered if she fancied him and was hopeful he would crack on to her. I can’t see why else she’s asking if he will cast a spell on her, which is the oddest thing and if she needs to leave her job when the man hasn’t shown a flicker of interest. Reads to me like as she’s now the only woman left she’s hopeful.

Beanscene · 02/06/2023 07:18

Am a bit confused here, can you just not say no if he does put the moves on you? And it he persists etc etc.... could you not just report him for harrassment? He doesn't sound interested in you so hopefully it won't come to anything.

Velvian · 02/06/2023 07:31

I was once in this scenario and it was a factor in leaving the job. I worked on hotel reception, the owner's son managed it and lived on site. He was shagging everyone, the female bar staff and a mother and daughter who were cleaners.

It made me so uncomfortable that he might try to hit on me, particularly as I was alone a lot of the time.

perfectcolourfound · 02/06/2023 07:39

Just say no if he asks. And if he says to does anything appropriate - is there someone to report him to?

But no - he can't force you to have an affair with him!

Bearpawk · 02/06/2023 07:47

Weird thread. Assuming you don't like him and you're a grown woman just say no and raise a grievance if he goes anything inappropriate ?

Peonyfun · 02/06/2023 09:12

This thread is all, tell me you fancy your boss without telling me you fancy your boss.😂

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