DH unwell...

[wafflepumpkin]

DH has come down with a bit of a cold. Sore throat, runny nose. The usual type of thing.

Last night, trying to be kind, I said you take our room and I'll sleep in spare room. It's nice to have your own space when you're I'll well at least I think so.

I said I was happy to do this as I also don't want to catch it.

We carried on chatting and I said you seem to keep getting the same thing when you're ill.

The mood changes straight away and he started saying he's never ill. I'm making it sound like he's ill all the time and demanding to know when the last time he was ill etc.

What an over reaction! I explained I wasn't saying he was ill all the time. Just that he always seems to catch the same thing and I have better things to do that make a note of times and dates of his illnesses!

He went to bed with the hump! And it very yes and no this morning. Apparently it's the "way I say things"

In feel he's being completely ridiculous tbh

He’s ill, I’d let it slide this time !

It likely isn't the 'same thing' as there are many viruses about!

What did you mean by 'getting the same thing when you're ill'? It sounds like he has standard cold symptoms. Surely that's what most people get when they're ill - it's the most common thing to get!

It's a cough and a runny nose again. So perhaps not the same virus but definitely the same symptoms! Which is the point I was trying to make to him

Oops did you infer his physical wellness/strength/longevity was in question?! I sympathise, mine is off sick with injury at the moment and instead of being careful he's being very busy on 'projects' incase he should be viewed as unable....

What other symptoms could there be for a cold/cough besides cough, running nose, sore throat ?

Don’t some/all of those turn up when you have a cough or cold ?

he sounds a bit precious though, needing a separate bed and all that. Usually you just carry on and ignore it unless it’s flu

he's probably feeling ultra sensitive as he’s run down. How would it go down if you brought him some multi vitamins to boost his immunity, ie, you’ve recognised that he might have a lowish immunity at the moment and are trying to support him (rather than criticise, as he sees it).

He's not feeling well so I'd give him a pass on the grumpiness as it was an unnecessary and pointless comment on your behalf.

He's got a cold there's not many other symptoms he could have and colds generally have the same symptoms. Pointing out he always gets a sore throat and runny nose when he has a cold is bizzare and not required.

Yes it feels very much like this! I've obviously touched a nerve.

He's prefers for me to be the 'unwell' one in the family. His first response to me saying he was unwell was "you're ill all the time!" like it's a competition.

I readily admit I'm probably ill more than the average person

Sure it’s not hay fever?

Me too, due to underlying health issue. The weird reactions extend into me doing things for him too, eg. let me lift that/prep meal/change dressing...... I've thought about It and think now he must be anxious about taking care of me at times when unwell so maybe he feels he just can't be ill. Either that or its a case of being a grumpy Pita!!!

It is easy to see why your DH would interpret your comments as pointing out that he is ill regularly.

We live in a world where men are told that being vulnerable is bad and that they will (and are) often judged harshly by other men and women for being so I'm afraid.

I mean you only have to look at how some women on MN talk about their ill husbands on here to see why some men are touchy about it.

Saying that, far more men than women ditch seriously ill partners so no-one is perfect.

Bit of a nothing and obvious thing for you to say -"you always get the same symptoms" well, yes, they are cold symptoms! Basically it sounds like he's only ever ill with a cold, which is a good thing, can't be helped and shows hes otherwise healthy. But yes, the way you said it, or that you said it at all, comes across like an accusation for some reason. I think you are just niggling at each other due to the inconveniences that being unwell causes as an aside.

I am trying to put myself in his shoes and I think what I would perhaps hear is an accusation that there's something wrong or habitual or underlying. It could feel like a sort of niggling dig if you're feeling under the weather. Personally, I'd apologise and say I didn't mean anything by it and then move on.

Thanks for responses. I can see I may well have inadvertently annoyed him with my comment.

I honestly didn't mean anything by it. I then got annoyed because he took it badly.

Quite silly really!