Coparenting

[Lgn2023]

Just looking for some advice..

I have recently split up with my partner but we have a beautiful 4 month year old baby boy, I am on maternity leave and he works.

We are being friendly and working on developing a friendship for the sake of our child and we would love to be in a place where we can go out on days out all together etc

I have so much anxiety, I’m worried about how this will effect my baby? Will this confuse him? Is he going to be ok going from home to home?

also, we are not agreeing one single bit on his time with him, he either wants our baby every weekend Friday till Sunday or he said he is willing to quit his job (he earns good money so can still make good money from working Saturday and Sunday every week) and said he will have him all week and me on weekends, despite me trying to be civil he has literally said these are my two options or he is taking me to court.

OVBIOUSLY the week day one is not even a option, I love my boy so much and would sacrifice anything and everything for me to bring him up, but even every weekend? This just seems way to much for me .. am I being selfish, unfair? He is only 4 months old and when he can make his own choices fair enough, I said to the dad I would be more than happy for every Friday him to stay over and he can see him after the work in the week and if we was on friendly terms we can even do days out together etc.

what do I do ladies?? I am also going back to work soon (part time) and going to put him into child care and my mum will have him too some days so the weekend will be my only days with him too?

the thought of him having him every weekend breaks my heart but is this me being selfish? I want my son to have a relationship with his dad so is this a sacrifice that I have to make?

to add to this, does anyone know what my right to child maintence is? He is both of our only child and he earns around £220 a day but is only paying me £44 a week - is this right? It’s difficult because our baby only drinks ready to feed milk and won’t drink powder so he is costing £8 a day to feed alone!

You need to go through CSM.
It's half his child so technically he can have him half the time. You don't want to be without the baby, so why should he ?
Although he's a bit young , maybe after you go back to work ?

If he wants regular access then if I were you I would say you want 50/50 half the weeks and half the weekends. Me and my coparent split when my child was a similar age and this is what I did. He can’t only have it the way that suits his work, you can’t be expected to fit around your exes career.

Means you both get half the ferrying around for childcare etc , and also the half the weekends. Too many mums barely see their kids all week once they’re at school then lose the weekends. I wouldn’t worry about him being able to get 5 days a week as unless there’s genuine concerns with your parenting no court would grant him more than 50% - however that kinda works both ways unfortunately.

with regards to the money, CMS website has a calculator where you can work out what you’re entitled to. My ex earnt less than that and our previous arrangement (when I was still on maternity leave anyway) where I did about 80% I got more than £44 a week so I’d imagine you’re entitled to more than you’re getting currently.
50/50 tho most pay nothing as you both have the same capacity to earn and the same child costs. If he had majority aka all week then you defo would get none.
I actually couldn’t survive off UC and CMS combined so had to work PT which in a way a has made 50/50 better as my son would be in childcare anyway, costing me money, so better he’s with his dad who loves him and now pays childcare costs and I keep my days with him off work.

That would be my opinion anyway. You have to bear in mind there are 2 parents 😭 it’s so hard particularly when they’re small I totally understand. I hope you can work things out in a way that suits.

I think while your DS is so young there is argument for having him with you, esp while you’re on mat leave. I have 50/50 with exH but because ours are young there are frequent change overs - the younger they are the shorter the blocks of time should be with each parent.
ultimately he doesn’t get to dictate what happens, but you need to be open to shared care. Get some legal advice.

I’ll add to that that the fathers input increased at age 1, I was off work for the first 12 months anyway so made sense for me to have majority until that was changing. You could perhaps have an agreement that he does weekends for now and it can chance once your child is a bit older. Maybe every other weekend and an evening in the week could be a good compromise.

@Lgn2023 do you have updates?