Oldest friend doesn't believe my ex was abusive.

[patsy999]

As per title, I never told her as she's going through her own troubles at the moment.
Just gutted ,I suppose.
Even though he was cautioned for threatening to smash my mobility car up.
Luckily he moved out on Tuesday of his own accord.

I’d be dumping her as a so called friend.

She’s no friend. At all.

You mean you never told her until now?
And now you have she doesn't belive you?

Doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Often when we've had abusive partners qnd finally get rid, we start to look around and realise that other people in our lives are of a similar nature to the ex partner.

A family member, an old friend...
We attracted the ex and stayed with him fir so long because he was actually quite familiar. We were used to his behaviour as we already tolerated similar from others close to us.

Thanks, that makes sense.
Because he could be so charming and generous, I don't think she can see it.

If you haven't told her then how can you expect her to know? I'm sorry you're going through this.

She doesn’t need to believe you, you know the truth.

I have found sometimes people like to minimise horrible events because they can’t face the truth of it, it being “too upsetting” and so would rather downplay it so it’s more palatable.

If your friend can’t sit and listen and understand what you’re telling her, then you probably need to consider if this is the end of the road for the friendship. You can’t be friends with someone who will downplay or deny your lived experience

Congratulations on getting free of your ex

Thanks for your kind words.
I couldn't tell her because what she is going through is far worse.

I think the thing is abusers don't often show their nasty side to anyone other than close relatives, spouse, partner. So friends are often completely hoodwinked and blindsided. They've always only seen the nice, charming and supposedly pleasant person - the real abuser hid behind that mask.

I've had a similar experience with friends not believing me about my abusive ex. Not to say that I think it's ok but I do get when people don't understand it to some extent.

My first long term boyfriend raped me and one of my parents think I was being dramatic about it cause I stayed with him. He threatened to kill me if I left.

Now parents are parents but you choose your friends. Fuck her