Feeling disillusioned

[Starbrand]

I’m nearly 38 but single for three years. Tried OLD just met loads of blokes who are my age still living with parents or controlling/ weird etc. im divorced and have a nine year old son. I just feel so stuck in a rut with life. I feel like il never meet anyone and I’m in a job that I need as it’s really well paid but is very high pressure and not secure. Not easy to get another job in this market due to the industry I work in facing / going through a tough time. I often wish I had stayed with my ex husband just due to it being an easier life with less pressure on me and perhaps less lonely at times. Then I see him and feel really annoyed. I wish I felt happier and more content and I wish I had a man that loved me and me him. Feeling like shit about myself . Anyone felt this way?

I feel this way as well, I’m 44 with an eight-year-old daughter and I kicked out daughters dad about eight months ago.
Even though he was horrible to me, showed me no affection whatsoever and treated me like crap and was most definitely seeing someone else behind my back ( was with him 13 years) i stupidly wonder if I was better off just with him just so I wouldn’t feel so lonely at night. Even having someone in the room stop the loneliness
I then realise that the loneliness is an issue with me, and having him around, made me used to being with somebody- anybody even if they are bad for me just so I won’t feel alone and that’s wrong . You feel alone because you were in a bad relationship and you’re probably feeling inadequate which is now rearing its ugly head and manifesting as guilt
I feel so washed up used and spat out that I don’t think anyone would want me, I also let myself go a bit , my ex loves telling me that nobody would want me if he saw me in the morning without make up, really hurts because I spent 13 years waking up with this man amd he said that , and I did love him, but I see now he never loved me and created an insecurity with me which has lasted

Don’t concentrate on finding somebody just be yourself, go out with friends if you can, meet people, face-to-face, rather than online
does anyone have any mutual friends that you could all arrange to go out with? And hopefully you can swap With Numbers with someone nice

but to be honest, just focus on yourself and your own mental health and the way you see yourself. im Trying to see myself as better than a washed up has been who feels used, but I am working on that. I don’t feel I can love anyone else at the moment after loving someone who treated me so badly for so long, but there is a lot of love left inside me and I’m hoping that we both meet somebody nice, if we don’t it doesn’t matter because we love ourselves and are happier for it

Thanks for the reply. Yes my ex also used to say i looked awful without make up. He was very focussed on physical appearances and tbh being with him damaaged my self confidence so much

Anyone else relate