How do you cope when DP often works away?

[despondentatwork]

For context we have 4 kids 8-16, live in the country (no bus route), I work FT & am studying. One child has SN. Our house & garden are big requiring lots of maintenance..very lucky on lots of levels but life just feels like a slog when I'm here alone with it all. Which is often. I am very resentful and it's affecting our relationship.
DP comes home exhausted so often sleeps immediately to recover. Last night he came home around 9-'ta da' and interrupts bedtime. Tries half heartedly to help. Conks out on the sofa. I'm still scurrying around 2 hours later completing school forms/lunches/my bag for today. Collapse into bed and he wants 'hugs'; which is sex framed as hugs. I decline-need 10 mins on my phone to myself before sleep. Then I'm up again at 6 to sort kids out this morning before I have to leave. It's an ongoing issue that he doesn't pull his weight the way I'd like and whilst he's great in lots of ways (eg school runs when he's here), I just can't get past this. Help!!!!!

I’m not surprised you’re resentful. If he’s at home, why isn’t he up at 6am to sort the kids?

DH is military. When he's home he's "on leave" he doesn't take that as time to help me but time for him to get rest. He messes my routine up too. I got rid of all of our grass as I couldn't cut it myself with 2 under 2. I suppose it depends how often he works away? You have to work and still look after the house and kids. It's always assumed it's left to the woman. Drives me crazy.

Thx for your reply-the bit bout him messing up home routine really resonates. Me and the kids get into a good groove while DH away & it works well without friction. Then he comes back & tries to 'intervene' or just refuses to slot into our routine and OMG the friction!!!!