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Original poster

Romance

16 replies

Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 21:48

So…. In 20 years he’s taken me away once. To the holiday inn to see a band we both like. I have always asked for more and he won’t give it. I’ve sent links to places to book and never anything. He’s told me that the holiday inn was romantic because we went out and had some nice food and went for a walk ……. He’s basically saying I’m ungrateful. For context we could afford a weekend away, but he’s lazy and doesn’t book. I’ve booked in the past and I’m over begging to have some one want to do something nice for me. I sound hacked off but truly I’m broken I’ve said it all for far too long

OP posts:
guineacup · 30/05/2023 21:51

If you want this endless disappointment to stop, you need to leave him...

Original poster
Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 21:58

Am I ungrateful ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 22:11

I don’t think I am …. But I sometimes wander when he says how nice it was and how I am just being picky

OP posts:
SauceForTheGoose · 30/05/2023 22:12

If you haven't experienced romance 20 years in, I don't think you're likely to with this guy sorry.

Can you settle for that?

holliebo · 30/05/2023 22:14

Tbh I would say that going away to see a band you both like, going out for a meal as a couple followed by a walk together sounds quite romantic regardless of whether it was a Holiday Inn or a penthouse in a 5 star hotel.

However.....the point I wouldn't be putting up with is the fact that it's the only thing he's done in 20 years!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 22:14

I’m already settled two kids one marriage ….. I’ve tried so hard to explain how I feel he just gets defensive and belittles my views how can I get him to see my point of view ?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 30/05/2023 22:15

OK so I wouldn't be overly impressed with a Holiday Inn once in 20 years, but how is he otherwise? Is he affectionate? Good with the kids (if you have any)? Is he a good supportive husband?

Less importantly (in my mind, anyway) what does he get you for birthdays/Christmas?

holliebo · 30/05/2023 22:16

But I should also add that I don't think romance is necessarily about booking big grand getaways (especially when you've sent the link and instructed him to book!)

To me romance can be the small things that make you feel loved and appreciated. Cooking your favourite meal, running you a bath, buying your favourite sweets when he nips out for groceries. Does he do that type of thing?

Original poster
Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 22:29

Dacadactyl · 30/05/2023 22:15

OK so I wouldn't be overly impressed with a Holiday Inn once in 20 years, but how is he otherwise? Is he affectionate? Good with the kids (if you have any)? Is he a good supportive husband?

Less importantly (in my mind, anyway) what does he get you for birthdays/Christmas?

He recently forgot a special date of ours and told Me it was my fault as I didn’t remind him

OP posts:
Original poster
Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 22:30

holliebo · 30/05/2023 22:16

But I should also add that I don't think romance is necessarily about booking big grand getaways (especially when you've sent the link and instructed him to book!)

To me romance can be the small things that make you feel loved and appreciated. Cooking your favourite meal, running you a bath, buying your favourite sweets when he nips out for groceries. Does he do that type of thing?

Recently started cooking the odd meal….
once every three months. Has been truly
lazy with two children …
always

OP posts:
SauceForTheGoose · 30/05/2023 22:33

Tell him that you are dissatisfied and thinking of leaving. He will either our sine effort in or not.

SauceForTheGoose · 30/05/2023 22:38

put some

Original poster
Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 22:40

Tried it . Has started ‘ helping me out’ a bit ( both work full time)
he’s very proud of this new effort ( feel a little sick tbh)

OP posts:
guineacup · 31/05/2023 05:08

Thoughtswelcomeplease · 30/05/2023 21:58

Am I ungrateful ?

Of course not. If he was a loving man, he'd making FAR more effort.

holliebo · 31/05/2023 07:26

The laziness, lack of "help" and not pulling h his weight weight with the dc and housework would be a far bigger issue for me.

You're not being ungrateful at all. He's totally taking advantage

Dery · 31/05/2023 07:44

@Thoughtswelcomeplease - lack of romantic getaways is the least of your problems. He sounds lazy and useless. What is he “helping” you with? Parenting your shared children is also his job. Maintaining the shared home in a decent state is also his job. These aren’t your jobs that he’s helping you with - they’re his jobs too. His attitude is all wrong. Would you miss him much if you split?

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