Is this selfish

[Whichwhatnow]

So I have very, very bad conjunctivitis and am generally just feeling shit, I lost a close friend a few days ago to suicide and am just feeling pretty bad. I can barely see anything (making this post is fucking hard).

Is it too much for me to ask my husband to stay at home? I feel awful and he goes out all the time, this is a weekly thing not a one off at all, so it's not at all like I'm controlling, but he's making out I'm being selfish and childish for wanting him to have this one night at home so we can (try to) watch TV together rather than me sitting here miserable with my eyes basically glued together, miserable and grieving and waiting for him to stumble home. I would stay with him if he felt this way. Am I a needy child because that's what he's just called me. He's probably not going to be back until midnight and drunk out of his head. Argh so annoyed.

Your friend died in an awful way and you're sick. Tbh I'd be surprised if my partner even wanted to go out instead of staying and looking after me in that situation.

Doesn't sound like he loves you. He's using you for money.

Why he he'll are you paying for everything and letting him get drunk on your dime when he won't offer you a shred of even emotional support.

OP

Only you can help yourself.

Just please don't have children with this selfish loser.

@billy1966 has nailed it. This man brings nothing to the table. He uses you and he despises you. You should despise him. Please, OP, toss him back. You can do so much better.

Wow.. goes out binge drinking on weeknights and steals your money to do so. What a catch..
I'm sorry this is your life.. if you want a better one you need to take charge. This guy is not it. But I think you should try do some healing while single too and look into therapy if you haven't already, it doesn't sound like you're equipped to enter into balanced relationships if you've got such a big fear of abandonment that's not dealt with, you'd be likely to just end up in another relationship like this one. ❤️

Op who owns the house?
Can you get intouch with a lawyer today and see what you need to do to get him out?
Start separation procedures.

We live in a housing association flat that is his, but I own my own house that is currently let. So I have somewhere to go. I know I need to do this but it's just scary!

I suppose I feel like I'm not worth any better. One ex was physically abusive, the other used to go off on heroin binges for several days at a time. And now this current partner. I know I sound pathetic but I've never felt loved so I guess I'm just chasing it

Go speak with your lawyer, find out what you need to do to get your tenant out.

Then move into your own place.

In one of your earlier posts you mentioned a different user name. I looked up some of those posts.
Your husband has been violent to you in the past, so be careful. Your on good money so financially you'll be fine.

You might also want to chat with Womans Aid to help you get some real life support.

You can do this baby steps. Start with the phone call.

So you think wanting company is pointless. You think not wanting to be alone when you are grieving is invalid. Do you even have relationships?

Of course you want to be loved - we all do. Whether it’s a pet, children, a partner or friends and family . That’s normal, there’s nothing wrong with you.

But this man isn’t going to love and you know you need to get out. And having him in your life is stopping your finding genuine love and peace in your life.

Then once you are out you should do the Freedom Programme and get some counselling. Because ( like many of us) your shit childhood makes you vulnerable to choosing shitty men ( just like i did ). It’s not fair but thats how it is.

Doing some work on yourself and your past will help fix your picker.

But just work out getting out now. Tell him nothing, consult the experts, make a careful plan and execute it.