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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner kissed someone else

44 replies

Robyn3828282 · 30/05/2023 11:00

Advice please? Been with my boyfriend for 4 years and at the weekend we went out and back to someone’s house. We Went upstairs to go to sleep and I woke up and realised he wasn’t there, he said he went for a cigarette, I then found him locked in the toilet with another girl, he admitted they kissed but said nothing else happened. I’m absolutely heartbroken because before this everything was perfect and the worst part is we are meant to go on a holiday to Thailand in 2 weeks so I’m just beside myself with what to do and how to deal with this. I’m in complete turmoil about whether to end the relationship or give him another chance and try get through it. What would you do? Advice appreciated x

OP posts:

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 14:00

He is admitting the barest minimum. He was probably in the middle of shagging her when you interrupted them.

He’s absolute scum.

Dump.

cannaecookrisotto · 30/05/2023 14:35

Get rid, I know that easier said than done but it's likely they planned it, or had been flirting beforehand, or it's happened before.

It's definitely pre-meditated for him to have waited for you to fall asleep and creep off for a secret tryst.

That's what would hurt me more than anything.

He can't be trusted.

Bookworm20 · 30/05/2023 15:03

You don't generally leave your GF in bed and then go and lock yourself in a toilet for a spur of the moment lapse in sanity kiss, I'm so sorry OP. That is epically shit.

But i'm with everyone else, get rid. He is a cheating piece of shit. I doubt its the first time and I'd put money on it not being just a kiss. Even if thats as far as they got, locking themselves in the toilet would suggest he wanted alot more.

darkbit · 30/05/2023 15:04

Finish! And go to Thailand solo or with a friend!

riotlady · 30/05/2023 15:12

You were literally upstairs!! Dump him and don’t look back

Yellowtowelsdear · 30/05/2023 15:12

I would never believe my husband was so unlucky as to be caught by me the very first time he ever even barely crossed the line into cheating on me, so I would end it because I would feel the entire relationship would be in doubt, both past and future.

caringcarer · 30/05/2023 15:20

Get a test for STI. What an absolute shit of a boyfriend you have. He cheats and lies under your nose. If he does this with you there what does he do when you are not there? He is absolutely not a keeper. Dump immediately. I'd pull out of the holiday and make him go alone. Or go with a friend instead.

FartSock5000 · 30/05/2023 16:23

@Robyn3828282 he's a liar and a cheat! No way this was a one off either. He had to have been extra sneaky to get out of bed, meet up with and go into a locked room with the other girl. He fully intended on having sex with her and he pre-planned it.

Don't fall for anymore lies because he has done this before and he will do it again!

Change the name on his booking and take a pal instead.

It's scary making huge life changes but you can do it and you will be better off not having this lying wankstain in your life bringing you down when all you did was love him.

CrackedSkull · 30/05/2023 16:26

Ugh sex in a toilet . As grim as it gets .

Coralsunset · 30/05/2023 16:30

Bookworm20 · 30/05/2023 15:03

You don't generally leave your GF in bed and then go and lock yourself in a toilet for a spur of the moment lapse in sanity kiss, I'm so sorry OP. That is epically shit.

Totally agree with this.

Dump him, you will never trust him again.

Who has control of the holiday booking? If it’s you, would a friend or family come with you, just paying name change fee? Or just cancel his flight and go on your own. You might meet someone who actually deserves you.

Tdcp · 30/05/2023 16:42

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 30/05/2023 11:03

No way did you manage to catch him the very first time he did this. You caught him because he has done it many times before and got complacent.

This, 100% this.

sadsack78 · 30/05/2023 17:53

dump the bastard.

Don't take him with you to Thailand. He'll just shag someone else while you're there. You deserve better.

take a friend, you mum, a sister/ sibling- anyone but him.

mrsbitaly · 30/05/2023 18:04

It's just total disregard to you, doing it under the same roof. I would be livid particularly as you caught him had you not you would probably not know. The trust has been broken.

OP this is your life and you have to live it. Do what is best for you but remember things will never be the same now.

HazyDragon · 30/05/2023 18:14

He's not the person you think he is.

There's no way back from this and if you carry on with the relationship your mental health and self-esteem will take a massive hit. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on with your life.

Do you have any kids/ financial ties?

perfectcolourfound · 30/05/2023 19:27

Please don't hesitate to get rid.

He got out of bed to make a move on someone else? So they planned it earlier on? Or he went to the toilet and bumped in to someone else and instantly started kissing her? Whichever it is he's a sleaze. A cheat.

And he disprects you so much he's happy to cheat while you're in the same house, and so are other friends.

He clearly doesn't rate your relationship very highly, and you deserve better.

Also, it probably wasn't 'only' a kiss. It could well have been more / or might have become more if they weren't caught. What would it have been if they'd been in a house alone?

But in any case, even if he only kissed her that's enough to show you he isn't serious about you.

LolaSmiles · 30/05/2023 19:33

Definitely not, locking themselves in the toilet means it was planned and intended to go further. Dump this pig
Agree with this.

I might say overlook it if it was a drunken kiss, he felt awful and took responsibility, but nobody locks themselves in a toilet with someone unless they're hoping to have privacy and not be caught. It's a deliberate choice.

Maighnuad · 30/05/2023 19:35

Please don’t stop posting whilst he try’s to cajole you ! He is a dick and you are not simple.

Scottishskifun · 30/05/2023 19:49

Dump him go to Thailand yourself and have a amazing time!

Lindjam · 30/05/2023 20:21

He’s probably been taking the piss for ages. His loss though.

You should really get STD checks OP. Sorry.

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