Father - daughter codependency

[Letsbepractical]

When I met my boyfriend around 3 years ago I initially was pleased to notice his good relationship with his adult (late 20s) daughter. We don’t live together; she lives with him part time (the other time she’s at her mum’s). However, as the time progressed I’ve started finding it more and more awkward. It’s almost as if she’s his partner (apart from the intimacy): she does most household chores, gets him ready for work trips, looks after him when he’s unwell. They text constantly (easily 20 -30 long texts a day) when they are apart. I’m not jealous of this closeness, I’m just more and more confused how I’m supposed to fit into this dynamic as a partner.
I’m pretty sure if I mention codependency I’ll be seen as the bad person who’s trying to damage the father-daughter bond because ‘no one understands him as she does’.
Shall I run - or does my relationship stand a chance? WWYD?

@Tellmeimcrazy British, yes. They certainly don’t see anything inappropriate or excessive in their relationship.

Why on earth is a grown man relying on anyone, much less his child, to prepare him for work trips? That alone is astonishing.

I dont know how you have stomached this for 3 years. Your DP and his ex have utterly failed as parents and continue to. I feel sorry for the daughter, she would very likely be heartbroken if he suggested she move out etc. He has allowed this dynamic to continue and if he is unwillingly to try and do anything to change it then I wouldn't want to be involved with him.

Run for the hills!

You don’t want to be in the middle of that…

The relationship wouldn't bother me if it didn't interfere with our relationship but the fact he couldn't get himself ready for a work trip would give me desert minge.

@cannaecookrisotto I’m not in a great mood but the end of your comment 😂😂

@Letsbepractical glad to be of service

But seriously - I'd be worried I'd be the one mothering him eventually!

I have no inclination to mother him and he knows it…

I'm super close to my dad. He's practically my best friend and we have almost daily contact, but not 20-30 messages per day and I'm not reporting on everything I do during the day. That's totally weird.

@XelaM tnx for sharing your POV. That’s the thing - I’m v close to my adult child and we stay in regular contact but we are two separate people with two separate lives. I can’t imagine packing their bags for a trip, or vice versa, etc…. I just wanted to check with others, I was wondering if I’m not understanding enough…but it doesn’t sound like it…

Hay there my GF is constant bec and call with her dad he displays co dependent most of the time it feels like am in the back ground he is 63 yrs rather get professional help my gf deal with it from but wipe nursing his self destruction both times he discharged from hospital so my gf could take care of him breakfast tea and so on she has to do when I was at the gym or when I go out he wakes her to sort things for him he sits and plays PC games and go bed rinse and repeat he has said twice that need help with shower my gf had a stroke which affected her brain but still expecting her to jump how high well that's the question but to them it's OK for the things to carry on but me it's shut up and put up but since my gf stroke and he rubbish I have become a pot washer clothes washer sorting stuff out with my child who is autistic my gf won't sleep with me and when the both are challenged am in the wrong thing is the only thing is that don't sleep to gether but personal is not personal so you tell me am I the fool or not