LTR and kids, is this normal?

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I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years since we were 18, not married.

We have three young children under 6.

Before children we had a good relationship. I guess at times I felt it could have been more passionate, but he's a great man; reliable, kind, loyal, hard working, supportive. He still is all of those things.

BUT since kids we bicker constantly about parenting. We were raised differently and our approach to parenting seems to differ regularly. Little things like he's the stricter one, he is rigid in his approach to parenting whereas I'm happy to flex depending on the situation. He also has a fairly negative view on the kids and our life in general I find, he's just been a bit glass half empty I suppose.

I'm sick of the bickering, it's affecting his I view him and definitely has affected our sex life. My mood is starting to go down in his company as it just feels like constant conflict between him and the kids, even though I know he wants the best for them and genuinely thinks he's parenting for their benefit (perhaps he is!).

Is this normal? I mean, the regular bickering about parenting. And if so, does it naturally improve?

I'm worried what state our relationship will be left in if it doesn't improve. I'm also wondering if it's a communication flaw with us that we need to get help with.

We're both committed to the relationship and our family, but I want a happy household and I'm not sure if we're just in a normal young family rut, or if there's something deeper amiss.

The bickering and substandard sex life is common enough with small children. But the fact that spending time with him impacts your mood and your concerns about his negativity are perhaps not so common.

I am wondering if he might be depressed? You probably both feel like you’re in the thick of it with very little downtime, with three small children.

I don’t necessarily think the outlook is bleak for the future. Things may get better as the pressures of raising small children ease off as they get older. Couples counselling before then would be a good option to help improve communication / navigate different parenting styles.

Good luck going forward.

Also the Philippa Perry book The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read…. may help your dp if he is acting out his own parents parenting style.