What is the alternative to silent treatment

[Weallgottachangesometime]

I hate when people give the “silent treatment” after an argument. My mum used to do it to a when I was younger and I hated it. Went on for days her shitty attitude sometimes. I see it isn’t a healthy way to act.

However today I’m doing it!

I’m in such a rage that I honestly have chosen to be quiet/be by myself rather than let out what is inside, because if I talk the anger that comes out is likely to result me saying something I don’t actually mean. I

so my question is - how can you avoid giving the silent treatment if your doing it to avoid absolutely ranting at everyone in the house. Is it better to just be quiet than tear everyone a new arsehole?

Obviously I know ideally I’d calm down and then talk through the issues and that is normally what I would do. But today, I’m just so enraged I can’t seem to get out of my mood and can’t trust myself to talk. I simply don’t want to talk to or do anything with my husband of kids today. I’m fed up of being the calm one, the one who organises the day etc.

to be clear I’m not ignoring anyone, I’m just not instigating chat and am choosing to go out for a walk, and off to my room to have a shower etc.

Just text him and say “I need some thinking space, we can talk tomorrow.”

I do it too as I get stupid and irrationally awful when I'm angry so have learnt to say nothing until I'm calm enough to be rational.

I generally take myself off out to look at the sea or/and walk the dog.

Ignoring someone as punishment is silent treatment. Saying little or nothing to avoid saying something you will regret is a different thing.

You need to find a way to remove yourself so that your quietness does not cause the same kind of atmosphere as the silent treatment or be clear that you are angry and want some time alone to calm down before you discuss your concerns rationally. If whatever has happened has made you so angry you don't trust yourself to speak then you really do need to discuss it at some point.

Explain why you're doing it, and when you'll be ready to talk. If you need to do this in a note/text, from a distance, it's fine. Allow yourself some time to think things over and calm down. It doesn't make you 'like your Mum', and it isn't the 'silent treatment'. It's you, respecting yourself and others. Use the time wisely. Get headspace, or write your fury down so that you can put your point across clearly when you're ready. Or get some exercise and eat well, or go somewhere beautiful.

Thanks so much for the suggestions.
I will discuss what is wrong when I am more able to do so without saying something harsh or unkind out of anger.

I did tell them I was wanting time alone because I was annoyed at the chaos of this morning (them all arguing and shouting and then wanting me to calm it yet again).

There's a big difference between the two imo.

One is intentionally punishing others until that person decides to pretend everything is fine again. It's one person deciding on everything.

The other is taking yourself out of a bad situation until you have calmed down/thought about it, then discuss it with other person on how to move forward. This involves others on resolving and fixing it.

I agree with PPs. Let people know that recent behaviour or circumstances have upset you so deeply that you are unable to speak right now because you are scared of the rage that will come out, so you are having some quiet time alone until you can manage your feelings, and would like at some point to calmly discuss what was wrong and how to fix it.

That way you are not being manipulative, just honest and self-regulating which is very good behaviour to model.

I think most people would be receptive to ‘I’m just not feeling my best today/ I’m really feeling under pressure today and would like some me time/space, love you guys a lot but it’s what I need right now’. Let the people involved who made you feel this way know about it and try to get them to put themselves in your shoes . You could even write it down if you feel like you’ll get pissed off saying it.