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What would you do

3 replies

Cfcgaz1 · 29/05/2023 11:51

What would you do in this situation?
My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for 4. Since we have been married we have separated twice. Once for approximately 10 months and are now living apart but are together for 7 months.

The first time we separated I entered a new relationship after she told me it was over. She would not return any of my calls or messages and I truly believed we were.
After a couple of months she messaged me and said that she missed me and wanted me back. I ended the relationship I was in and went back as I still loved her.

When we are together in a 'normal' marriage, we do not do anything as she says we do not have time as she needs to do the cleaning, gardening, clean the car, or catch up on admin from her job.

I will do the cleaning, gardening and admin from my job, we have the same job, however she will always find something chore related to do.

She is currently engaging in counselling as she knows she needs help with her obsession for cleaning, moving house and wanting what she doesn't have.

This is driving me crazy. I spend all week not knowing if I am going to see her, when she does visit mine, she will go to sleep early and leave early so she can do her chores.

I feel at the moment that my life is on hold. I miss being with her and miss the intmacy that includes sex.

My own self esteem is literally on the floor as when I ask her if she is coming over, she will say that she is cleaning or gardening and does not have time.

I can not stay at her home as I have our dog which she originally wanted and now does not want. I love the dog to bits and won't ever get rid of her. My wife is not allowed to have pets in her rented accommodation.

I do feel like a spare part and like my life is currently on hold for her to get her head together. We are not young by the way, both around the age of 50.

OP posts:

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Letsallthinkofaname · 29/05/2023 12:56

If your childs marriage were like this what would you advise them? Do that.

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OhComeOnFFS · 29/05/2023 13:06

Can you say five good things about being with this woman? I'm struggling to see anything good about it, from what you've said.

Don't you think you deserve more than this?

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Cfcgaz1 · 31/05/2023 11:53

So, we have spoke and what she has decided is to 'separate' to give her the time to engage in counselling. She wants us to check in monthly by text message to see how we are then meet up at the end of October this year to discuss what we are doing with our relationship.

To Letsallthinkofaname, thanks for your response. I would tell my daughter she is better than that and to run for the hills.

To OhComeOnFFS at the moment it's hard to think of anything good about her. I only say that because I think her mental health and possibly the menopause is absolutely having a negative impact on all of her positive qualities.