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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Breakup with childrens father

2 replies

Thisistheworstt · 29/05/2023 09:58

2 young kids, both pre school age.
Split up with their dad over the weekend, suspicions of cheating yet he denies, in general we don’t get on very well, he is quite nasty at times but we do have really good times where we are like best friends.

His not even fighting for me, I can’t eat I feel sick.

I am definitely not going back now I know it’s for the best but HOW the hell do I get over it? This feels like the worst pain in the world and he just doesn’t even give two shits

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 29/05/2023 10:09

Oh OP, I'm sorry you need to walk this path. You won't want to hear it, but it is time. A lot of time, a lot of anguish, many bumps in the road, stress and tears. It is time that it takes.

I'm 18mos out and for the first time this weekend, I had this feeling of contentment. I feeling of 'I won' I appreciate its not a game, or a war (although that is debatable in my situation) but it just washed over me.

Infidelity is very hard to navigate, the emotions that come with that are intense and justified.

Firstly, eating and sleeping will be difficult, but eat when you can and rest when you can, you will need strength.

You also need to be practical, controlling what you can will help focus when you can't control what is happening around you.

A good support system is crucial for now. To help you and support your family.

So, house, money, children.

Home, is it mortgaged/rented. If mortgaged can you afford to buy him out? How much is left to repay, how equity is there and can you mortgage what you need?

Rented, is he on the tenancy?

Money, do you have access to funds? SAHP? Job? Part time/full time? Increase your hours?
Documents, mortgage statements, bank statements, pension statements, debts? Benefits, entitled to is a website that will help work out what can be claimed if anything.

Children, regular consistent contact with other parent. Maintenance, if you know how much he earns, pop on to the CMS calculator and work out what he has to pay.

There is going to be bundles of advice on these boards, but you will ok

Thisistheworstt · 29/05/2023 10:25

@cleanbreak2022 wow 18 months sounds like a very long time, well done for getting through it.

rented but tenancy ends in 6 months, he has moved out and I will go to the council this week to give them the heads up that I’ll be leaving so I’m sorted housing wise for now.

I do work part time, he will be paying the rent still as it is his tenancy so hopefully I will be ok for money.

It just all feels so so so shit especially when he doesn’t care at all at what his lost

OP posts:
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