My husband and I have been married for 13 years, we have 3 daughters together. The last few years were quite rocky with arguments etc. last year was a strange one as we seemed to get closer than ever with lots of deep talks but contrary to that often some big blow ups. In November he said he wanted to separate and he left. He said we need time apart and maybe we will come back together eventually.
In February this year he came back home, I then found out he had been seeing this girl that worked in our office...since November! There was a big bust up obviously and he left. After a while he was coming to me saying he made a huge mistake, he regrets it, he's sorry etc. I wasn't sure how I felt but at least we were being civil and seeing how things were. I then found out he had still carried on seeing this girl.
He had initially told me she was just a "fuck buddy"
(even though that was a slap in the face since I never refused him sex) but the more I have learned it seems like so much more and that they had something between them, I don't know if love but something like that. He says not love at all but either in denial or he doesn't realise.
Anyway he's away now and although I'm so angry and hurt and hate him for what he's done. I'm just sat here alone drinking while the kids are asleep and feeling worse and worse, wondering if he's with her.
How could someone I trusted so much do this to me and keep doing it? At the same time saying he loves me and wants to be with me? It's been over 3 months since I found out and I don't feel any better, if anything I feel worse the more it's been sinking in.
I don't know how long I can keep feeling this low and horrible about myself. She's just everything I'm not, young, pretty, smart, and not naggy like I have been. But of course she's only had the best of him and not his bad parts so why would she have anything to nag about, not to mention no kids, stress etc.
Im just so lost and angry and hurt. I don't know how to handle these feelings