Want to be a single mum but I’m scared

[Hope111]

I have an amazing 2 year old who I love with all my heart, everyday I try to be better for him and am genuinely scared I’ll fuck him up for life by being with his dad, his dad isn’t a bad person, but he doesn’t show emotion, doesn’t care how I feel, doesn’t want to support me financially, doesn’t care if I’m stressed, the list goes on, there’s honestly nothing TERRIBLE between us but we do not get on and I just don’t think we’re meant for each other as individuals, BUT i do love him so so so so much honest to god and I am still attracted to him and happy in the bedroom all of that stuff but we just don’t get on it’s as simple as that and I want to end things but when I have in the past and it’s just me and my son everything seems to feel pointless, I feel
so lonely and everything feels so hard so I feel like I’m not doing it because of my fears of being alone, I don’t exactly know what advice I’m asking for but I just feel alone and I hate feeling like my life would be pointless without him so whenever I have ended it I’ve asked him back

@Hope111 , I understand how you feel. It took me YEARS to leave my ex after realising over time that we didnt like each other.
What helped was

1. My journal - seeing it all together in black and white allowed me to see the woods for the trees
2. Drip feeds of friends telling me I deserve to be happy, etc
3. Two friends amicably left their partner due to being unhappy and wanting different things (like 'permission' for me) and
4. Three or four rounds of counselling - or, should I say, a single counselling session where she the penny dropped
5. Book: too good to leave, too bad to stay (there's a quiz).

You might face some judgement from haters. That's their own issue and should not affect your decision.

Kids statistically do better with a dad in their life, not (as often said) parents who stay together.

Kids copy the relationships they see, so if you want a better relationship for your kid in future, maybe work through codependence issues?

Caring how your partner feels and being a team is a pretty big deal. You are holding it together and "better the devil you know" holds a lot of truth, in that it will feel WAAAY worse at first being on your own. Then it will get better.

Get advice on your legal situation, especially if he's a higher earner (more capacity to pay legal fees) and especially if you are not married.

Sending 100% compassion for your difficult situation