Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My insecurities and ruining things

2 replies

Jane881 · 28/05/2023 20:44

I'm 36 female, only had one relationship - 10 years and had my daughter with him. It ended about 4 years ago and I was on my own the whole time. Went on a few dates but nothing to write home about. There had been alot stress from ex partner. Verbal put downs. Controlling behaviour re new relationship. My partner of 16 months is everything I could want. I've never laughed so much with anyone and he treats me well. Hes positive about our relationship, proactive in organising things for us. Supports me, listens and talks. Things I never really had in my long term relationship.

I feel overwhelmed and every now and then I think he's going to find someone better or is going to cheat on me, lose interest or everything complimentary or romantic he tells me is lies. I seem to catastrophise things and before I know it I've built negative scenarios in my head. All which I convince myself are our could be happening. I don't tell him any of these thoughts, he'd run a mile but it causes me alot of worry and takes the happiness out out things. My mum and best friend keep telling me to stop self sabotaging but I'm really unsure how to get out of this cycle. I'd be devastated if anything happened between us but it's like I'm just waiting for it to go wrong x

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/05/2023 08:47

Is this connected to PMT at all, or is it all the time ?
These negative thoughts are common as you get older, and you really do have to push them away, dont give them brain space. And it’s ok to tell him that you are insecure and need a little TLC.

Shivvy120 · 29/05/2023 17:24

The longer you date him and nothing bad happens the more you will relax. You can discuss these fears with him. He sounds like a great guy and a brilliant match for you from what you say. I used to be this way too and eventually after 4 years, I relaxed and realized that maybe just maybe this man wasn’t going to hurt me.
Whenever you get these thoughts, write down all of the things he does for you or simply just remember them. Think about how he makes you feel and what is the truth. You know he is being good to you, that is what you know for sure, so anything that’s uncertain just leave it out. Therapy also would work wonders I think: best of luck x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread