After a bit of support I’ve done the right thing with a guy who’s messing me about

[loveacuddle1]

It’s an ex FWB. My first ever FWB since my divorce.
I thought we really liked each other. He was lovely with me, took me out and treated me well. Then it all started to get a bit meh, texts dried up, he’d reply to mine with single words etc and it felt like it was me taking all the initiative. I got the feeling he was losing interest. I talked to him about it, he said he thought we were just friends who met up on occasion. I thought it was more so we agreed to end things but remain friends. We had a few texts since then, just checking in saying hi etc.

Then he reached back out, started flirting with me, hinting at sex again and I stupidly got engaged in the conversation (via WhatsApp) but then said I would be happy to meet as a friend without benefits. He invited me for dinner last week. I was really looking forward to it but he cancelled on me at 2.30 that afternoon - said he has to work, via text. No offer to reschedule or anything.

I got so mad, told him not to text me again and that I’m fed up trying to figure out what’s what with him and that I was so disappointed how this whole thing has played out. It was an emotionally charged text exchange!

Anyway it’s now 5 days later and I couldn’t help myself but I’ve messaged him again.
I’ve explained I was really looking forward to it so was really disappointed and it seemed odd that he had to work, on that particular evening, but that even if it was the case it hilights the fact he doesn’t have time for me so it’s unfair to reach out and flirt so that needs to stop.

he hasn’t replied… I’m not surprised. But have I done the right thing here or have I completely overreacted? I think it’s clear now it’s over for good!

I think you need to reevaluate your definition with FWB. What you were wanting was a relationship from what you've described, he acted as if it were FWB. I'm wondering who suggested the FWB and if you got conned....

I did not know I was entering into a FWB!
he asked me out, we went out, continued to have dates so I thought we were “seeing each other”.
it wasn’t until I spoke to him the first time he seemed to cool off when he said he thought we were just friends that met up on occasion!
FWB wasn’t a thing last time I was single. The is the first man I’ve had anything to do with since I was married.
And why not go out with him in the first place? I liked him, fancied him. As far as I was concerned at the time it may well have turned into something wonderful.
I don’t think you can turn down opportunities at finding love… I’ve hardly got a queue of men lining up to take me out!

Nobody suggested it.
I thought it was more, he didn’t

You were duped there. Relegated I call it. It happened to me a few times. Went out with a few men and same pattern, they start off keen, attentive, affectionate, you go on dates and then at some point you're relegated, not dumped, but relegated. The first time it happened to me I was so confused. Like that rat in the cage pressing the button for the sugar hit. I couldn't make sense of it. Afterall, why not just end it. Then a while later, same shit different guy. I walked away sooner.

This is why it's important to have a chat about what it is rather than just assuming you are a couple

That's exactly what happened to me .
So confusing .
When I asked if he'd lost interest he said no but it was so obvious. So I ended it after almost an exact same scenario as the op when he said he had to work when we were meant to be seeing each other, but mine wasn't even going to bother telling me. Mine also told ME early on he didn't want a fwb set up and if I only wanted casual he wouldn't see me again 🤷‍♀️
I was gutted as I really liked him

How you’ve reacted is just fine, OP. It is good for your inner well being to speak UP for yourself. Who fucking cares what he thinks, he’s already proven that he’s rude, and therefore doesn’t get a vote, surely?

you said your piece, block and move on, or don’t block if that doesn’t feel right to you- I personally like to block when people have been CF-ish, because it closes off the energy in a way.

good for you for speaking up for yourself. So often we women can feel cringy about speaking up because it’s been ingrained that we be “nice” at all costs - mostly at our own expense. To hell with that. No more ms “nice” girl, standing up for yourself shows you that you know you deserve to be treated with the same respect and consideration you show others, and that’s not at all a bad thing. :)

I think the second message would come across a bit desperate to put it bluntly. Maybe FWB isn’t your style and being able to cut out the emotional part is tricky.

Yes I now realise FWB isn’t for me, but I didn’t really realise that’s what I was. I thought he liked me more than that, we had some very close moments and would share deeply emotional matters.

I wish I hadn’t sent the second message but it’s now too late. I just wanted to get those things off my mind. I really just can’t make sense if it all…I’m a nice person and despite the text, I’m not a weirdo and have my head screwed on. I’ve been strong since my husband left me, my kids are doing amazing and I’ve managed to hold down a good job and keep our house going. None of my friends can understand how 1) my husband wanted to leave me , and 2) how this new guy in question didn’t realise how lucky he was.

I suppose I’ve learnt a lot about current dating trends (things seem to have changed so much since I was last single)

I honestly don't see the problem with your last message as long as you send no more now
when I fell out with mine I also felt the need to explain why I was pissed off and it turned out he thought I was pissed off because he'd had to work . Gave me a lecture about the fact I'm not paying his bills etc . So I was actually glad I'd made it clear it was the fact that he hadn't told me he couldn't see me , not the fact he had to work . It was the last straw of being constantly left hanging and him not being able to commit to anything . This was when we weren't meant to be fwb but it felt more like it to me.

Then a while later he asked if I'd consider casual (after making it clear early on that this was not what he wanted 🤷‍♀️)

So against my better judgement I said yes but quickly realised I couldn't hack it and cut it off .