New to Mumsnet. Back after 10 years in Oz. Feeling miserable and alone in SW18.

[ScarletTiger]

New to Mumsnet. So forgive me for the longwinded spiel and I will get the hang of the acronyms. Back in the UK after 10 years in Australia. Feeling miserable and alone in SW18.

I am not sure why I am penning this as I have sort of made friends with other mother?s through the local One O?Clock club. So I do have 3 other mother?s I do hang out with.

I just can?t understand why I feel so miserable and unhappy. I spent the morning crying on the kids. I miss my friends that I can unload on, or ring up and visit that day.

We moved here from Australia last July. I am glad to be back in England and I have missed England (obviously not the weather). It?s also good to see my family on a more regular basis (although they do live over an hour away). As I haven?t been back to the UK in 10years ? there has been a culture shock. Everything from the lack of facilities for people with children (no pram access in the majority of tube stations, the London buses which are just painful, no mother?s rooms in shopping malls etc etc ).

I have sold my soul to join baby and toddler groups and get adult interaction for me and children interaction for my 2 sons (just turned one and the other is 2 ½ ). I have found I have moved into an area where the mother?s seem to live on another planet to me. I have been going to one toddler group for 4 weeks and the only mother who spoke to me was also new to the toddler group. I have tried everything from arriving early to set up for the toddler group, washing up, cleaning up, serving tea and coffee, doing the craft ? NOTHING. I sat next to 5 yummy mummy?s while my kids played with their kids ? not one person spoke to me. The nannies who come to the toddler group have been welcoming which was good.

I lived in London when I was young free and single and I always had a good time ? I just cannot believe how hostile the place is when you are a SAHM.

I was going to pay through the nose and put my eldest in a day care nursery so he got some interaction on a daily basis ? but everyone is hung up on over-educating their child ? I really don?t expect my 2 year old to do yoga, French and art appreciation.

I am not sure what I was expecting but I thought if I could organise for a different playdate for my children everyday and actually physically leave the house it would be a start. Admittedly over the Summer I left the house and just took the kids to the local parks every day but with the cold weather I haven?t been doing that.

We don?t have a car so getting around is an absolute nightmare as we have to rely on public transport. I think this is one of my big issues as I do miss being able to take the kids to swimming and the beach and meeting people on a whim.

I am so miserable being at home that I am now looking at getting a job. I am sure my misery at being here is effecting my marriage ? my husband is a true Aussie Boy yet has fitted into London life so easily and cannot seem to get his head around why I am not happy.

I could go on, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

I have also put this on my local board.

If I had not met my Postnatal Group I would be in the same boat. I am not from here so appart from the odd person at work I did not know anyone. Perhaps when your eldest starts at Nursery you will meet a few other Mums.
The groups are a nightmare aren't they? I will talk to anyone, especially if I know we have children as a subject but I find them hard going. I think it is something about todays society rather than you Keep trying, at least your LOs are getting to play with others which is good. And Spring is on it's way honestly

Welcome to MN btw; we are a friendly bunch on the whole and I have found a lot of support on here. Be warned - it can be addictive

Hi Scarlet, just wanted to reply to say welcome to MN. My children are much older than yours, but I remember that "fish out of water" feeling when trying to get to know other mothers. And that was without also moving continents! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down, but I think all the things you've tried so far are definitely the way to go, and I would carry on with the toddler group, especially with getting stuck in and getting involved in its set up. I also think you're right in that things seem worse over winter - especially when you've come from a climate when you can be out and about so much more. Hopefully things will get better as summer approaches. I also found for myself that things improved once my eldest got to playgroup and I became involved in that more, and got to know the mothers there. Good luck and keep posting x

Hey - welcome!

Mum and Toddler groups are soooo hard. You feel like such a prune going up to people and making inane conversation. I've been going to a group now for about 5 months, and have only recently started to feel properly comfortable.

I know the SW18 area, and it is quite a yummy-mummy clone zone (apologies to any offended sw18ers ). is there any way you might be able to branch out a bit, going to groups in other areas where you might find groups with a wider mix of people? maybe tooting/streatham?

Hello ScarleTiger!

I suspect I will be in your position later this year. I have been in the UK for 7 years, but we are moving back to South Africa in April. When I left SA I was young and free, but I think it will be a whole different place now that I have a ds (2 1/2).

When I came here, I was very lonely and it was hard making friends from scratch. It was definitely through work that I made my best friends, so maybe you could do something part-time? It will give you a reason to get out of the house and will give you oppurtunities to meet new people, without the the kids in tow.

Also, don't give to much thought to what others think of childrearing, i.e. the 'over-education of children'. Everyone does what is best for them and some people work for their own sanity and are happier mummies that way, whilest others are happier staying at home.

I would suggest maybe seeing a gp too, just to make sure you don't have mild pnd. Lots of things can set it off, even a year after your baby is born.

Have you tried joining a gym or looking for a hobby you can do without the kids. Something just for yourself so that you can find your old self again?

Good luck xx

My DCs went to a really lovely nursery school in SW18 - very warm staff, great atmosphere, deffo not "beginners Mandarin lessons"-type at all. They both went from when they were 2.5 - let me know if you want details.

jura - you beat me to it!

seems to me is that what we really need to do is get you and justine888 together. I think she has Contact-a-Mumsnetter set up, so if you set it up to, you'll be able to email her (if she doesn't see this thread). There's a £5 or so subscription - for details see "Contact a Mumsnetter" on the title bar at the top of the page.....

Hi,

Thanks for all the responses I did contact Justine888.

Scarlet Tiger - they used to do a nice mother and toddler in the Centre Court Wimbledon shopping centre creche (next to the H&M kids shop). Don't hold me to it, its been over 5 years since dd3 was that age, but CentreCourt is certainly in a public transport hub so you could check it out.

we're meeting at Deen City farm on Saturday - why don;t you join us here

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

pmsl - I don't think any of us could be descirbed as yummy mummy's!

thuogh obviously I can;t speak for Scarlet

Hi everybody that has responded.

It was really great to unload on you guys.

After a big discussion with DP we have decided to move.

Hopefully being out of London will help.

Thanks again for all the emails.

Do you not think at least until you manage to move that getting a car will help? The MN crown in SW London are really very friednly and many of us have children a similar age.

You're more than welcome to come along to Deen City farm on Sat and meet some of us.

Hi Scarlet tiger,

I live near Wimbledon. SW18 - Is that Earlsfield/Southfields? I have started mat leave today with DC2 due in 6 weeks. I have a DD aged 2.4. I'd be happy to meet up if you like. I might also join the SW meet up as I didnt know it existed until now. I normally work p/t and have made quite a few friends via the net, etc but there is always room for more!

micegg

I will check out the SW thread later.