Who do you seek emotional support from when you’re feeling down?

[Babyflow]

I grew up with a narcissistic mother who taught me that expressing my needs and seeking emotional support was a huge inconvenience and that I should keep it to myself. I’m trying to unlearn this as an adult but I’m not sure what’s appropriate and when, having had no experience of having my needs met.

I have no family and my DP isn’t much of a talker. I feel really down and lonely today and have no idea how to deal with it. Is it appropriate to tell friends that I’m feeling crap and low or does nobody like a moaner? I have about 4 friends who I message a few times a week and meet up with for food regularly, but I don’t feel close to them - maybe that’s on me though because I’m not a big sharer, I’m not sure.

I know that I should probably get some therapy, but I muddle along quite happily 90% of the time so I’m hoping that a bit of guidance from others will do the trick.

I'm sorry to hear about you mum. But don't underestimate the power of a good therapist. I've gone through some difficult things in the last 10 years and a therapist really helped me through. Of course I talked to friends and DH too, but I feel I could talk more freely and really figure out how to deal with it with my therapist.

Having said that, I also don't think you should underestimate the power of opening up to friends. I'm very honest with my friends and they are back to me and I think it's those moments that really bring us together. Friends should be there to support you when you need it as well as in the good times.

I sometimes tell my problems to ChatGPT. If you just feel a bit emotionally blocked up and want to be listened to and maybe given some suggestions, it’s quite good.

I used to struggle with relying too much on friends listening to my problems. So I find that having other outlets like ChatGPT and Mumsnet helps to dilute me a bit.

No one

I’m lucky in that I will share with my DH. Thought he isn’t the best at dealing with it he does listen and he does try.

I also have a difficult relationship with my mum and so was never able to share anything with her, because everything was focused on her needs…still is. So you have solidarity from me. The effects of that kind of parenting do indeed last a life time.

I think it’s ok to share things with your friends and seek support. Sounds like you don’t ever usually do it, so I’m sure if you messaged saying you could do with a cuppa and a supportive chat they’d be responsive.

I have an excellent therapist. Well worth the money and I am able to discuss things in such a way that I really deep dive into it and then can draw a line under it. Well worth the money

I speak to my mum or my friends if I'm feeling down in the dumps. Speaking about it is the only way I really feel better. If I didn't have them then I would definitely get a therapist, in fact I'm thinking of getting a therapist anyway.

I'm learning to speak to friends more, talking about your problems and when you are feeling down does deepen the relationship.

People trust those who ask for help. If you are worried about being too much when you open up, I'd definitely suggest a therapist to practice on and get out the darker stuff with.

No one.

I have a similar background, though in my case I think undiagnosed autism rather than narcissism was at play.

My therapist is invaluable. It actually took me a while to be able to “dump” on her and trust that her boundaries and professional practices were resilient.

But through her, I’m learning how to open up to my other significant people, without overwhelming them or damaging my relationships. It’s tricky to learn as an adult. I think emotional literacy is a lot like language learning in that there is a prime window in childhood for gaining these skills.

I share a bit with friends, more with my dh, more again with my siblings because we’ve that shared history but I think I will always find it hard.

I try and be there for my own dc. It’s funny, but listening to them and hearing their emotions is sort of healing.

My brother in law. Brother of my ex husband. We often joke we should have married each other but it's too late now.

No one. There isn't anyone. I've learned to deal with things myself