Told husband it's over - how to cope now?

[Tryingtobepositive123]

Hi,

Since the kids were born 6 years ago my husband has been depressed, lethargic and grumpy. I picked up more of the slack. He was self medicating to cope but that made things worse. He seemed to hate family life.

I threatened to leave recently, at which point he made quite big changes. I thought we might make it. But I can't get over how long he was like that for, and that he dismissed it when I raised it, and only made changes when I said I was leaving. I feel like I have nothing left to give. I have a history of people pleasing so I also played a role in the situation.

After a row yesterday I said it was over today. I feel absolutely bereft.

Can anyone give words of encouragement or tips for the next phase for me/ us/ as we go our separate ways. I can't stop crying.

Hello OP, I know exactly how you feel as I was there a little over two years ago. I actually have a thread with a similar name here on MN. I was married for over twenty five years and was not happy for more then a decade. When I finally told my ex that I wanted to separate, I remember it was really, really hard, I will not lie to you. Those months prior to me saying it, four months after that when he still lived in the house and a few weeks after he moved out were the worst time of my life. I was sick with pain, and guilt and worry. I never once regretted my decision (not to this day) to leave him, but I just felt so bad about doing it. I felt sick, both mentally and physically, to the point I though I was going to die. To help myself I did everything I thought may work; I started going to therapy, to meditate, do yoga, go out with my friends, I even started reading bible (I am not religious) and most importantly I kept posting here on MN. Posting here and reading other people's posts gave me a lot of strength and courage to deal with my every day life. So, I got through it and so will you.

It will pass, the feeling of dread, guilt and pain will pass eventually. I always say, it has to get worse before it gets better, and that is exactly what happened. Take care OP and keep posting.💕

It’s a grieving process, the end of a relationship. Horribly painful.

I’m five years on, and doing great. My advice would be to take one day at a time emotionally - by that I mean don’t spend too much time pondering the past and feeling sad about the future. Get through today.

Deal with what absolutely must be dealt with. The practicalities of accommodation, money, children etc. See a solicitor, get good legal advice and lean on anyone who’s there to support you.

It’s horrible, but you know you’ve done the right thing. You will come through this. Allow yourself to grieve. Get counselling. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks a lot. Getting through the day and not thinking about the future is really helpful.