Anyone taken ex to court

[StinkyMut]

I have a 8 month old and have split with the father 2 months ago. He would take drugs in front of our child and his other child he has a residency order of. He also has a mental disability where I have recently found out makes him a compulsive liar and manipulator, no one of his family or himself told me about it apart from how he struggles to process information. He can't do anything for himself he always has to go through his own dad for everything because he refuses to just make his own mind up and gets them to do everything for him. I'm looking at fighting him in court for sole parental responsibility as he's an unfit father as he won't be able to make any decisions for our child cause it won't be him it'll be his dad or step-up telling him what to do or say.

Anyone taken their ex to court for sole responsibility and won?

I haven't done it, but just a word of caution - if he has another child living with him, for whom he had successfully obtained a residence order and that child has lived with him without incident - not saying that it's perfect, but if say, the child hasnt come to obvious harm, hasn't required SS to intervene etc - then you're going to have a hard time proving in court that he is an 'unfit parent'.
The fact that he relies heavily on his family for support/advice wouldn't be seen as a negative. It would be seen as him aware of his own limitations and using his family support network to help.

I can fully appreciate how frustrating a person he might be, but the courts wouldn't stop a child spending time with one parent on the basis that said parent is a bit incompetent or doesn't get on well with their ex, which is mostly what your issue with him seems to be from your post?

He recieved the residency order of his child while living with his dad and step mum, ss was happy with the situation as they knew it was mainly the grandparents looking after the child. That case is actually still in court, ss placed the child into his care due to neglect from the mother, he never won anything.
Said parents/grand parents have also been trying to cover up the consistent drug use and him putting the kids in danger manipulating me into not telling anyone about it either.
When I kicked the ex out one night after he had once again walked out the house for drugs he went and told all his family I had been abusing the kids causing them to turn on me and be vicious only to find out the next day he was on drugs and lying about it.
My issue is that instead of discussing anything about our son with me his father tells him to message me about something specific or they'll do it for him, it's never his original idea so to speak

I should also state his child is not currently living with him, the child is with his grandparents while the ex lives somewhere else

Good luck op. My relative had a contact order put in place as soon as she had her baby as his dad was an addict and dangerous. He was given two hours a week in a contact centre. Then one day when the baby was a couple months old he kidnapped him when he was high on meth, dropped him down the stairs and put him on the back of his motorbike where he fell off and broke his ribs. When my relative took him to court to completely stop contact he was awarded unsupervised contact one evening a week and an overnight every other weekend. When my relative refused to give him the baby she had the police turn up at her house. I’d have fled the county if I were her

But you're saying the child isn't in his care? It's in his parents? What's does the current legal order say?

Is there a need to fight him in court? What if you just don't permit contact? He will then need to get himself together and be responsible enough to go to court. And if he's able to do that it might show he can manage..

He is the childs father and holds parental rights. For the rights to be removed there needs to be clear, strong evidence he is unable /unwilling to exercise parental rights AND that if he continues to hold the rights there will be SIGNIFICANT harm to the child.

The child's welfare is paramount and the child has a right to have contact with both parents provided it does not cause them harm. Alternatives, such as supervised contact, can be offered rather than removing anyone's rights.

I think you also need to take responsibility here. You chose to sleep with and produce a child with him.. if you knew none of those negative things about him prior to creating a child it's your parental capacity I'd be doubting..,

If it was in a contact centre then presumably it was supervised. The contact should not have gone ahead if he was under the influence of drugs..

I'm also surprised to hear he made it to the contact centre, and contact was permitted to go ahead, if he was so drugged up.

Generally addicts won't even make it on time for organised visits..

He was given an hour 2 days a week in a contact centre. He turned up to the mid week one for two weeks (sober) and never turned up to the weekend ones. After the first two weeks he stopped turning up at all. So he saw the baby a total of 2 hours until the day he abducted him. The day he abducted the baby he wasn’t drug tested, but a few hours earlier he’d put on his social media profile ‘fucking keep away from me tonight, I’m on meth😂’. He’d put a lot more on social media as well but when my relative presented the evidence in court she was told ‘we don’t consider social media posts as evidence’. You seem to be trying to catch me out lying or something. Let me know if you’re confused about anything else.

@Fiddlerdragon

Not about someone lying, more a general comment on it being unusual.
I'd be worried about the contact centre staff if they permitted contact if he was thought to be high on drugs.

I assume the court reviewed the contact order after this incident?

I'd also recommend a parent asked the court to review an order if the other patent isn't sticking to the conditions.
I.e. not showing up for weeks

Yes. That’s totally what she needs to do, ask for a review. She’s fine with him being a meth addict, refusing contact, abducting him, dropping him down a full flight of stairs during a fight and breaking his ribs during a motorcycle crash. She’s forgotten to ask for a review, that’s where she’s gone wrong, they’ll certainly stop his contact then 🙄

@Fiddlerdragon I'm suggesting a parent asks for a review at an early stage. If he's missed half the first 2weeks that's evidence he can't manage,
Perhaps if a review was requested earlier it wouldn't have reached a stage of abduction.

Also- if a parent feels their child will be unsafe then do not take the child to the contact I.e. if she'd read that social media post before the contact then she shouldn't have taken the child.

Op why are you using language like "fighting him in court". You have (quite belatedly) realised that the father of your child has a "mental disability" that means he needs support to care for a child. You seemed to be comfortable not reporting the symptoms of this disability when it involved someone else's child but now you don't want YOUR child impacted. So what if his parents support him to be there for his child. If you had/have serious concerns about the safety or well being of your or his child you would surely have contacted social services?

The baby had a court order at birth due to his mothers persistence and was given unsupervised contact after the shitshow of the first couple months. Her refusal of contact led to the police being at her house with a warning of arrest and prosecution if it happened again. They’ve clearly had multiple reviews. I can’t be bothered to keep explaining myself so I’ll just assume you’re a bit thick. Have a good night

Op I’m praying you

He had lied and manipulated me the whole relationship, I wasn't aware how bad at the time until I had kicked him out. He had admitted to a little of his drug habit before I got pregnant but he had convinced me it was now and again and he could stop anytime.
The pregnancy was unplanned and we weren't living together at the time. Once he convinced me to move in with him it became apparent he had lied about everything.
I felt trapped with no way out, I began finding out he had been throwing drug parties while his son was there etc and once I was there he began dissapearing for a day or more every weekend to go do drugs. I was scared to tell anyone that social would take my child and his other son away (he kept telling me that's what would happen)
I take responsibilty for not getting away sooner and I will always feel so guilty and ashamed I stayed and allowed him to manipulated me so much.
He gets to see our son once every 3 weeks under the supervision of his dad and step mum but his dad keeps trying to get me to allow him to see him more. Being young I find it difficult to stick up for myself and say no as I'm scared of confrontation

@Fiddlerdragon
No need to call someone thick. It comes across as unknown and says more about your than me.

I'd rather be arrested by the police than put my child with someone so unsafe. But then, I'd probably not have had a child with them in the first place..

Go to a lawyer with all your concerns.
Lawyers and a judge will be very well experienced with this,
Nor the games played by a possible angry emotional ex and new mother.

Mention the drug use, show the texts.
In my country drug use is tested, (unsure about yours).
Limit what you take on but try and let the dad have some contact your child will need a dad however crazy they are in the future.
Some people claiming how did you not know... forget that, now you need to.move on and find stability.
Good luck.

@StinkyMut
It's a shame people think social work just take children. I wish there was more education about this so people reached out for help.

That's great his parents are helping. Perhaps he needs to show consistency and progress over a sustained period of time before considering additional supervised contact time.

You could look into getting support via an advocacy worker or from something like 'one parents family' services which are free.

If the child is safe with dad, via grandparents support and supervision , then I doubt courts will take any action.

For the time being, stick to the minimum allowed visitation, but keep all of the messages about seeing your kid more.

You need to set up an email address specifically for communication about your child.

Send a message to EX that you are happy with the existing visitation schedule and due to EX’s drug problems, he is lucky to have been given that. Tell him that you find his messages intrusive and intimidating/manipulative (whatever) and you want to communicate only regarding the existing visitation schedule and the best way to do this is via the new email address.

*State that contact all further messages other than those pertaining to the pre-existing visitation schedule and via any method other than via the email address provided are unwelcome and will be considered harrassment.

Then keep all further messages as he will probably kick off. If this happens, let him leave messages for a few weeks but don’t answer them. Just establish a pattern of behaviour.

Let him know that you have had enough of him ignoring your request to stop harassing you via phone and that you are going to block his number immediately upon sending that message, but that you will check the email the morning of the next visitation day and follow through.

He gets to see our son once every 3 weeks under the supervision of his dad and step mum but his dad keeps trying to get me to allow him to see him more. Being young I find it difficult to stick up for myself and say no as I'm scared of confrontation

If that is the court order then just tell his dad you can’t change a court order, or ignore him.
If you feel your dc is unsafe with his father then you’ll need evidence of this. Anything he’s written in texts etc about drug taking. Does he have any convictions ? If you think his MH makes him unsafe to care for your child I think you have to ask the court to order medical reports. A solicitor would know.
Do you have any evidence of him using drugs, selling drugs, being violent, starting fights ? You need proof to put before a court, they can’t just go on he said, she said.

You can just stop contact and let him take you court. Thats the advice I was given for my drug addict abusive ex. Nearly 5 years later, still waiting for him to take me court!