Feel bored in my relationship...

[Sjxo92]

20 years between us. I'm 30. Been together 2 years. He's such a nice bloke. We fell quite quickly. But my god. He never wants to do anything. When my children sleep out I like to make the most of the 24 hours I get free but he wants me to go to his and sit watching TV in the dark all day. I've found myself going round there later and later and keeping myself busy in the day to make the most of my free time. Sometimes I get him out but it takes a while... Think we've gone out for dinner four times in two years. Im going to a wedding next week on my own because he didn't want to come with me. Some days I'm looking at him so in love cuddled in his arms. Other times I'm just like.... Wow... I'm pretty bored. And I feel so bad for thinking it !!!. Anyone else been through this in a relationship lol???

Just get out asap.

You already find both his lifestyle and conversation boring.

He‘s not the one for you.

You can find someone who is nice to you who you also respect and feel energised by.

Don‘t delay OP - 2 years is relatively new, however 3 years in and more and it’ll feel harder to go. He will drag you down and make you feel miserable and you will resent him.

Oh my god my 93 year old grandfather has more going on, he gets out cliff walking and for dinner with a group of old man friends from church regularly 😂

This isn’t age, it’s incompatibility and if he can’t get up and active and interesting for the sake of his daughter, he isn’t going to do it for you. Get rid, you sound fun.

I didn’t say 50 was old…..I’m over
40 myself.

I’m just saying that with a 20 year age gap then it’s inevitable that may will be differences in what the two people want to do and how active they are etc.

I may not class myself as old but I certainly wouldn’t have the same interests and activity levels as someone in their mid-20’s.

It’s great that you continue with all your interests and strenuous activities etc, but that doesn’t mean every 50+ year old has to want to do the same.

The OP should just leave her partner as obviously they are incompatible in this area, but just because her partner who is 20 years older wants a slower pace of life does not mean he deserves some of the negative comments that have been aimed at him on this thread.

If you are not stimulated then it will begin to ruin the relationship.
If he can not pick up motivation, then what are you to do.
I would be spending time with friends and going off alone.
Does he have social phobias? or just likes to be around home watching TV.
I would be bored too!
Now he is Sulking? Bugger that.

Yep, he's boring. I am 51 and I go out all the time. Gigs, theatre, walking, holidays, active stuff. Why waste your youth on this waste of space?

Crikey. You didn't state anything in a nasty or mean way, just calmly observed it how it is and he's now upset cos he's feeling bad about himself.
If someone who loves you can't tell you the stuff that might be a bit hard to hear who can!?
His discomfort should tell him that something isn't right and be a source of motive for change, not shy away from it cos it isn't emotionally comfortable.
This isn't getting any better!

My husband 51 just left me for a woman who is 36. I laugh because she really doesn't know how much boredom she's letting herself in for. All the fun things he'll have told her he's done and the interesting things he talks about are 100% at my instigation. If it had been left to him he'd never leave the sofa, he'd have listened to music in the dark or played FIFA 12 hours a day.

The thing is, about 6m into our relationship I dumped him as I found him boring, obviously I phrased is gentler than that, but the message was clear. He made an effort for a while but I've always been the more interesting and energetic of the 2 of us.

I say get out now, he'll not change and will in fact just get worse as he ages.

@WonkyPicture omg... That's priceless! I'm sorry you're going through that, but the slow revenge you can expect must be kinda gratifying. 😬

Challenge him on this. If he knows he's being boring, why does he find it acceptable? Does he not have any bucket list things he wants to do before he's incapable. People live until they're 90 these days. He could be spending the next 40 years watching TV in the dark. FFS. Get him to make a bucket list of things he's always wanted to do. Do some with him if they appeal to you and nudge him off the sofa to do some alone or with mates so when you video chat you have more interesting things to talk about.

@PimpMyFridge It is! Apart from 2 notable exceptions where he bought me tickets for my birthday, I have booked every holiday, every concert, every comedian, every theatre trip, every cinema trip, I have suggested every day out, i have instigated and planned every home improvement, I have even picked the TV series we've binged watched together, apart from Top Gear. Lol. I selected the gym we joined, where I went and where he just made excuses not to go. God, I can't even tell you. He actively avoids the News and current affairs programs. All he can talk about is 80's music and how good he used to be at football... and obviously about the things I planned. He has even said "you'd do everything right and I'd fuck it up" since we split up.

I sit back and wait! Long term revenge! Ha ha

Jeez, I'm 66 and couldn't live or imagine a boring life like that. I'm still working full-time, play sports, holiday.

He's not daft if you stay. He'll have himself a young 'un to nurse him when he's older and even more boring/lazy than he is now.

I realise I sound like I bullied him into things, it really wasn't like that. I allowed him his days in being quiet and lazy, in fact those days happened waaay more than the stuff I organised. He also loved doing stuff, he was just too lazy to organise them.

@WonkyPicture 👌

Ive just finished a 4 year relationship for same reason. No zest for life get up and go. He was younger than me, im 54 hes 48.

Lifes too short

There were other factors but this was a big one

He has just messaged me saying " I will do anything to keep you" after I messaged saying we need to get you out and about more. So let's see how the next month goes lolx

Honestly I wouldn’t get locked in this cycle. He will do something for a bit then it will drift and it will be you pushing again. If it’s not coming from him for him - ie because that’s the stuff he wants to do - it will always just be a token offering, and it honestly won’t feel the same as being with someone who genuinely has some lust for life. Cue guilt because ‘he’s trying’.

Whatever you do don’t move in with him as he will bring you down and you will end up trapped in his life with him!

So Friday night you'll be dunning out then?
Book the table.
And I would also get him to go to that wedding - no excuses.
Saturday will be car boot / market / walk in the countryside.
Get it all booked in now and carry on. Ignore anything other than 'yes good idea'
He may even enjoy it given half a chance

But has he asked himself 'why' if you're not happy with the life he wants and he hasn't shown any inclination to try new things? Just end things. Whats the point of one of you struggling to change? You haven't found a compromise in 2 years despite your honesty about how you feel.

Do it nicely, along the lines of he's a lovely bloke but you want different things etc. But do it decisively. It's not his age, it's his preferences and lifestyle choices. My parents are mid 70s and hardly ever in the house! I think he will show willing for a bit then you'll be back to square one.

@hugefanofcheese and @OCarumba spot on.

Actions speak louder than words. Let see what he actually does and if he can keep up the momentum. I suspect he won't.