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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

27 and fear I've missed the boat

20 replies

redroseflyer · 26/05/2023 21:12

I'm nearly 28 and have an overall lovely life- job I enjoy that involves travel and meeting new people, nice family, great friends and a mortgage on my own.

I've been single for over 4 years now since my ex broke up with me. In that time no one has been interested in me at all. All the men I meet are settled with girlfriends or married. I feel I may have missed the boat, in fact I'm standing in the harbour thinking "oh, s**t".

I've always been independent and enjoyed my own company, it would just be nice to have someone to spend time with in a romantic way. I'd like to think I'm a nice person and a catch- fairly pretty, kind, funny, solvent. But it doesn't seem to mean anything.

All my close friends are settled in long term relationships or married so no one can really sympathise. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or experiences they can share? I'm just starting to feel a bit down and despondent, and wonder what is wrong with me. Thank you

OP posts:

Stabee · 26/05/2023 21:18

You're at the age where you worry. Several friends/family jumped into relationships at this point, only to get divorced in six months. So don't panic. You have ages to contemplate your future. But as an older person I'm going to say if you want a dp and DC, you may not find them sat in your lounge. You need to get out and do things. Which it sounds like you are. All good I'd say, panic not.

Shayisgreat · 26/05/2023 21:19

Same happened to me. Chronically single for the whole of my 20s. Met my now husband when 30 and within 2 years was pregnant and married.

27 is young! Do the things you like to do, date a lot, and find out what works for you.

twilightsleepiness · 26/05/2023 21:24

Yep op have tons of sex and maybe one of them will fall in love with you. Like they say, women sleep with men they fall in love with but men fall in love with women they are sleeping with. Oh and don't be overly keen!!

Ps I didn't meet dh till I was 30. Married at 33- first dc at 34, 2nd at 36

PaintedEgg · 26/05/2023 21:26

I'd say you're doing pretty well! and you're so young I wouldn't worry about finding someone. At lot can change in just few years at that stage.

at 27 I was on career crossroads, divorced, sleeping on my parents' couch, with two bags of clothes, my books and a cat to my name - at 30 I'm married, pregnant and with mortgage for our own house :)

keep your eyes open, try new things and stay positive! :)

Watercoloursky · 26/05/2023 22:28

Don't panic! I only had two very short (months,not years) relationships in the whole of my 20s and felt hopeless at around the same age as you... I got together with my now-fiance just after my 30th birthday, and five years later (admittedly, delayed a bit because of Covid) we are getting married next year. My sister is having her first child in her mid-30s. 27 is very much not past it!

Feliciacat · 26/05/2023 22:34

I had a breakup aged 32 but am now 35 and married and ttc. So I don’t think 27 is too old at all.

A random thing I will say is that according to almost everyone I’ve met; 27 is the age where you feel like you’re not a ‘young person’ anymore. It’s anecdotal I suppose but I agree with it. I think 27 is a classic age for a ‘quarter life crisis’ and your feelings are valid insofar as you’re entitled to feel like life is moving forward and you want to get your ducks in a row.

As others have said, you are in fact very young even if you perhaps don’t believe this at the moment! As long as you’re being proactive, you’ll get where you want to go.

Genevie82 · 26/05/2023 23:22

27 is a great age OP, and your post reads very similar to my life in my 20’s.. always the single one with great friends in long term relationships wondering why it just wasn’t happening for me… I made the most of it, went travelling, had hobbies at the weekend, tried to date , invested in my friendships and career … then met my husband one day at work -there was an amazing chemistry -I was 30, got married 33 and then two DC.. make the most of your freedom as it will happen 😀

weareallout · 27/05/2023 00:23

I was that too. Had a great life. Money travel & mates and house but no partner. Plenty bad flings. Loads wild nights. Travelled lots. Loved it but everyone else seemed to get married by 30 (Then divorced)
Met now partner at 35. Two kids, bigger house. Last 15 years life with kids has taken over!
Don't worry. Follow what is right for you

crew2022 · 27/05/2023 02:10

weareallout · 27/05/2023 00:23

Exactly this.

rainydaysandtuesday · 27/05/2023 04:01

I felt like this at 35 🤣

There's plenty of time. Chill, enjoy life

canfor · 27/05/2023 06:00

Don't worry your life away, at 27 I was in a long term relationship that petered out not long after, I then had another relationship of a couple of years, then a break of another couple of years, then met my DP and finally settled down. A lot can happen in your late 20s and early 30s. You have loads of time yet. When I was on that break I was thinking like you...I look back and realise those single years were great times....so enjoy them. You definitely haven't missed the boat!

TheoTheopolis23 · 27/05/2023 08:37

All the men I meet are settled with girlfriends or married.

What do you do to meet single men?

What do you do to meet new people on a regular basis through whom you might meet single men?

TheoTheopolis23 · 27/05/2023 08:38

Also 27 is young.

And it also sounds like you're surrounded by relatively early settlers, which can skew things.

HowAmYa · 27/05/2023 09:04

Met DP at 33 after a child and a divorce. And he's 10 years younger! He has his own business, we have home together now and we spend all our free time just being an old retired couple in our back garden. I'm 36 now.

You never know who or how or when. But it will happen. I never ever thought I'd be with someone younger. Or that I'd even be a divorced single mum at 32.

mindutopia · 27/05/2023 11:21

Just keep doing you, living your life, developing yourself and meeting new people. I met Dh at 28 while travelling.

To be honest, people change so much between their 20s to 40s/50s. My 40 something self would not have lasted with someone I met in my early to mid 20s. I’m a very different person now.

In fact, most of my friends who married in their 20s are now divorced and on husband #2 or #3. I think you’re actually at a real advantage to have the freedom to explore and live life without the confines of a long term relationship through your 20s. I know it probably doesn’t feel that way when you’re in it though.

PaintedEgg · 27/05/2023 12:46

I will allow myself for a snarky joke, but if all men are taken now give them 5 years and they'll be back on the market :P Relationships from early 20s often are not lifelong

Original poster

redroseflyer · 27/05/2023 21:58

Thank you for everyone's kind and thoughtful replies! I think I just need to 'keep on keeping on' and see what the future brings. I just have a moment where I feel sad every now and then x

OP posts:

Selfesteem23 · 27/05/2023 22:06

Single throughout my twenties but had a great time living life.

. Had a couple of short lived relationships/flings but nothing significant: I did start to worry as I approached thirty but then it all just fell into place at 31/32. We’ve not had kids ( by choice) but have had an amazing relationship for more than a decade and he was defo worth waiting for. Honestly there is still plenty of time.

continentallentil · 27/05/2023 22:20

It can get tiring but dating is a numbers game.. you just have to keep at it.

janeseymour78 · 27/05/2023 22:26

I posted a similar thread around your age after a break up. I definitely agree with the others that it's a common age for a quarter life crisis!

Im 31 now and I'm still single but have dated. Losing those years during covid was tough. I've since picked up a hobby with tons of single people which has made me feel so much better, might be an idea? Im much happier since getting over the turning 30 hump!

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