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Original poster

Do men think think they have 'won' something when they have sex with a woman?

34 replies

reachforthestars5 · 26/05/2023 18:37

The narrative (in a heterosexual context) seems to portray men as the active participant in sex and women as the passive. Men talk about 'f'ing' women, which sounds so crude and as if sex is something that is done to women rather than mutual.

I've recently been talking to a man I had sex with about 10 years ago, and the way he talks about that (and sex with other women) is like he 'won' something from getting women into bed. As if we are objects to be f'ked.

I feel like, as a woman, I'm giving something of myself away or something? When I have sex with a man, as they can casually say they 'f'ked' me, as if I'm an object to violate.

In reality, he was very inexperienced when we had sex and I did most of the work.

Is this a common thing that men think? It really puts me off the notion of casual sex if so.

OP posts:
ThisIsntMyUsualUsername · 28/05/2023 09:04

Well sometimes we fuck. Sometimes we make love. Sometimes it's purely physical, and sometimes there's a deep connection.
I've sat astride my partner and said I love fucking you, same as I've said I love you during sex. Not every time is mind, body and soul love-making. If he only fucked me, and it was done to me and I was not an active participant then that would be offensive. AFAIK neither of us are talking about our sex life with other people.
When I was younger maybe someone said they fucked me to their mates. At the same time, I'd probably have been telling my girlfriends I shagged him.
I think it's more about actual attitudes to sex to be honest.
There have been times I've not been that into it (but still consenting) when yeah, I probably have been fucked in the way OP is describing, and yeah that's not great, but again, my partner isn't telling anyone and would probably be mortified I wasn't really feeling it!

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 28/05/2023 09:21

MorrisZapp · 26/05/2023 20:12

If sex isn't something that men do to women, why do men have to make sure they have verbal consent but women don't?

As a man, why on earth do you think you wouldn't need my consent before having sex with me?

Deeply weird comment.

soloinaduo · 28/05/2023 10:07

When my friend reminds me that last time I gave her a good hard fucking, she knows it'll spur me on this time.
Isn't that just the fun of intimacy?

Weekenders · 28/05/2023 11:34

A good starting point is not to give time or headspace to people you mediocre sex with a decade ago.

It's hard to imagine what a good outcome from that interaction would look like.

Greycloudlooming · 28/05/2023 11:39

iamturtle · 26/05/2023 19:29

i might to refer to men i've fucked too, can't see how it's different? I fucked them, they fucked me, we fucked each other... fucking is a mutual activity. I might see why you have an issue if he said "boned her", "ploughed her" etc but i think i'd probably be more revolted by the language by the sentiment tbh. you seem to be maybe looking for reasons to offended and have a go at all men. some are pigs, some are lovely and the use of "fucked" doesn't really indicate which category they fall into. but if you feel you've given something of yourself away and you're upset it doesn't seem to have been appreciated, casual sex probably isn't for you. i look back occasionally on men i've casually fucked and smile at the enjoyable experience (or shudder in horror and swear off alcohol for a few weeks!) - i have no idea if they do the same or if they're always telling smutty stories to their mates about how they "had me"... and i don't care, other than i'd feel that the latter was a total loser who clearly wasn't getting much and i'm a bit embarrassed i ever shagged him

This

StarlightLady · 28/05/2023 12:24

Only the wrong sort of men think they have "won" something.

BodyKeepingScore · 28/05/2023 12:30

I wouldn't say "won" though obviously that depends on the man and his objectives. I've just asked DP and he said he never considered it as "winning" in the context of some sort of prize but rather that he was really chuffed that I also wanted to sleep with him.

DOBARDAN · 28/05/2023 17:47

Yes, I believe there are men who think like that. From my own personal experience, men seem to think they have 'won' the right to control me thereafter. It's as if I've given up all rights of myself over to them, like I'm now their property. So now I don't bother with men in that regard.

tigger1001 · 28/05/2023 21:35

MorrisZapp · 26/05/2023 20:12

If sex isn't something that men do to women, why do men have to make sure they have verbal consent but women don't?

Consent is needed for both parties.

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