I’m in 2 minds of how to deal with this and wanted to know some thoughts.
my dad got married in January. My dad has two kids (me and my brother) and his wife has two kids (two daughters), all adults. My brothers wife passed away a few years ago (not long after we lost our mum). Brother gave up his job to care for his wife and was in a bad place after she passed, and he moved into my dads house, along with my niece. Dad more than happy with this and wanted to help, he put the offer out there. During the few years my brother was back with my dad, my dad met his now wife, and he moved into her rented home, with my brother staying in the house my dad owned. By this point, brother back in work and then contributing to the bills at an amount agreed with my dad.
After the wedding, dads wife gave up her job, as ‘she had always wanted to be a housewife’ and the decision was made that they would give up their rented home, and move back into my dads home, with my brother and niece. There were no conversations about my brother and niece moving out and my dad made it clear that they were welcome as long as they wished, although dads wife made it very clear from the very beginning that she wanted them out, and from my brothers point of view (and the admission of my dad) treated them quite horribly, for example packing up their possessions into bin bags and putting them outside, a coffee mug wasn’t washed up straight away after use and she threw it and smashed it. From conversations with my niece, she also wasn’t very nice to her either and would shout at her for minor things, such as dropping a tv remote on the floor (although I do appreciate she’s 4 years old and can’t take that as absolute truth). Long story short, this becomes unsustainable very quickly and brother moved out. Brother and niece now have a really lovely home and niece has adapted just fine. My brother felt it was the right thing to do to give them their space when they got married, it was more the way in which his hand was forced and the treatment of his daughter that he was angry with.
I have been very low contact with my dad as I was disappointed in the way he didn’t step in or speak up when his wife was treating his son and grandchild so poorly. His wife was also telling some quite vicious stories about me which I was made aware of, and when I told my dad, he was aware but asked me just to ignore it. She had told people (I’m from a small town, gossip travels, thankfully miles away now) that my dad still had a mortgage because I had a drug problem and lost my job, meaning he had to send me money for my living costs for many years. There is absolutely no truth in that, he paid for my university accommodation while I was at university (about 16 years ago now) and has never had to give me a penny since (outside of birthday gifts). I also have never had a drug problem or been out of work since graduating. I appreciate this all sounds very petty, but as soon as they got married, she has gone out of her way to push my brother and I out of the picture.
Newest development is that her daughter, her husband and their three children will now be moving in with them as ‘they shouldn’t have to waste their money on rent’. That will be a total of four adults and three children (and a massive dog) in a three bedroom house. My brother is very upset and feels like he and his daughter have been pushed out to make room for her family. On top of this, my dad has been honest that he doesn’t want this to happen but doesn’t feel he can say no to her.
What should I do. Do I keep my nose out and leave them to it, or do I speak with my dad and try to knock some sense into him about standing his ground. My dad, brother and I have always been so close and it’s all fallen apart. I try to stay balanced and not portray her as the stereotypical ‘evil stepmother’, but she makes that hard! I just don’t know what to do for the best. Thank you in advance for any insight.