really hurt by parents attitude

[carriemac]

my dh is working for the whole week including xmas day and boxing day, and may be called in to th hospital all xmas day leaving me and 3 under 5s on my own. I invited my parents to stay, having treked over to see them (by plane or ferry) 3 out of the last 5 years. They said no, with the excuse that my younger sis is working shift work over christmas (she is'nt incidentally)So I asked them to visit afer chrismas for a few days so the kids would see them. they said maybe ..
Do we fly over to see them in dec for a long weekend, giving them a months notice. But I feel really resentful and its actually keeping me awake at night. Is anyone else hurt by there parents unwillingness to put themselves out? They are in there mid sixties, in good health btw.

It really upsets me, sometimes, that my inlaws won't make more effort to come see us. I think DH has a lot of hurt feelings about it, and I used to resent on his behalf (now I'm just resigned). Esp. as inlaws are the main grandparents my kids will probably have contact with. They are retired, financially secure, healthy, and live 3 hours drive away. It's a trek for us to go there, and usually has to be juggled around our work commitments. When we visit FIL makes it clear we are unwelcome disruption to their household routine. We go to them 2-3x/year, for 2-3 days/time. They only manage to come visit us once/year. MIL sometimes grumbles she'd like to see more of her son & grandkids, but she's caught between rigid husband and her own abhorrence of strange places (like any hotel in town, and our house is not up to their tidiness standards as a place they might actually consider kipping).

I don't suppose this would make any difference to their attitudes but there is a lovely long article in December's Saga magazine (old lady writing here) about the new generation of grandparents and what joy they get from their grandchildren etc etc. Not sure if you can buy Saga over the counter (it might be on the top shelf, no, sorry, it might be subscription only) but if you could get hold of one and send them a copy, do you think they would take it in the right spirit?

I think it's very sad when they deprive themselves of what could be such a lovely relationship. Some older people have no grandchildren and would love to - some children have no grandparents and wish they had some. In the long run it's their loss but I can understand how frustrating and hurtful it is for both of you.

PS My dad died earlier this year (aged 81), he never wanted to come here or for us to go to his house either, we would drop in occasionally en route for somewhere else and were practically greeted with "you won't be here long will you?" In the end it became a joke, and anyway my kids still have my MIL who lives near and loves to see us, but it used to bug me too.