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Original poster

Confused about ex's unusual change in social media behaviour

27 replies

Sapphireshotz · 25/05/2023 08:40

So my ex started dating a new girl not even a couple days after he left. We were together for 3 years so seeing this absolutely devastated me. The day e left we got into a huge fight which almost got me and our daughter evicted. At first they told me and everyone they were just good friends and the next thing I know they are posting that they are in a relationship and supposedly so happy together. At first they were posting a bunch of photos together and tagging each other in love memes for about a week or two. Now all of a suddenly he hasn't posted nor tagged her in anything for a few days and has posted how life is stressful and some other stuff that has nothing to do with her, which is abnormal because with me we were always posting about each other when we first got together. Their pictures also seem off And are nothing like the ones me And him posted. Ours were more intiment. And due to the incident happened here I had to place a pfa on him just so my landlord wouldn't throw me and my 2 yr old daughter out. So it's not like I can talk to him.

I was told by a mutual friend of ours that he said he still loves me and that he misses everything, and was also told that he didn't see things working out with her and that he was gonna end up leaving her. But that was also said to me last week a few days before the pfa hearing. Not long after the mutual friend started telling me this when I pressed the temporary one, I got a text from a number I have never seen before saying "I miss you". I was told he wanted to message me but is afraid that I will turn around and turn him in for violating the pfa, which I don't blame him. I am hoping that him doing this is some kind of sign that he meant what he said and that he really is getting ready to leave her.

OP posts:
Yellow89 · 25/05/2023 08:53

Could speak to a domestic abuse charity or speak to someone you trust about the situation? It might help put things into perspective and work out what is best for you and your daughter?

I'd try to not let how he is feeling control your feelings, I know from experience how hard that is - he made the decision to get a new girlfriend and has broken the terms of the PFA already if he's text you, putting you in a difficult positions.

In the meantime would it be an idea to remove him from your social media? Or if friends have him ask that they don't show you things, if they are genuinely concerned for him at any point they can speak to him.

OrlandointheWilderness · 25/05/2023 08:56

What's a PFA?

Trixiedrum · 25/05/2023 08:58

The whole thing sounds so toxic, I’m sorry. Are you hoping to get back together with him? Is that what’s best for your child, or might it lead to more harmful fights and you being evicted?

Please stop looking at his social media and maybe get some support to help you think about what you should do next. Women’s aid are good, or maybe your health visitor can give a recommendation.

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/05/2023 09:01

Sounds to me like you're better off out. What an Earth would you want him back for? It sounds utterly toxic. Concentrate on your child. She's the most important thing. He sounds like an absolute twat.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 25/05/2023 09:24

I think you'd be best putting the child first and not getting yourself wound up by comparing your social media life to his current one. Not everybody has to post lovey dovey stuff over social media. He did with you and it didn't end well. I'm sorry, but it sounds very immature. If you fought to the point you almost got evicted, I doubt its in the childs best interests for them to be confused more by him magically coming back then leaving again the next time you fight and the circle continuing.

I say this as someone who has suffered domestic abuse, it will never be forgotten and the older your child gets, the more they will pick up on it. And it can stay with them for life.

GreyCarpet · 25/05/2023 09:36

Are you taking some hope from the fact his social media activity has changed or is different to it was with you?

Why are you even checking it?

CornishGem1975 · 25/05/2023 09:38

GreyCarpet · 25/05/2023 09:36

Are you taking some hope from the fact his social media activity has changed or is different to it was with you?

Why are you even checking it?

That's what I was thinking.

Stop checking his social media, no good will come of it.

Littlebluebellwoods · 25/05/2023 09:39

I think it’s clear you’re hoping he will dump her and come back to you. I don’t know if your friend is just telling uou what you want to hear or if it’s the truth. You can reach out to him.

Wombastic · 25/05/2023 09:41

Definitely put the child first and don’t worry what he is doing on social media. The liklihood is it will be messy for a while and your feelings will get hurt again.

BreviloquentBastard · 25/05/2023 10:14

Honestly it sounds like you're well rid.

My suggestion would be to get off social media, stop pining over someone who has created an "incident" severe enough it almost caused eviction, stop hoping he'll leave this woman and come back to you, and put your child first.

Missingmyusername · 25/05/2023 10:17

The whole thing sounds extremely toxic, he will do it again. He sounds like he can’t cope and has a grass is always greener mentality.

Put your children and yourself first, block his social media and move on with your life. Set your bar higher. Why would you want someone in your life who lies and cheats….

Lindy2 · 25/05/2023 10:22

Even if he wants to get back with you it really isn't a good idea.

Your relationship sounds toxic. You need to protect your daughter and yourself and move on. An argument that nearly gets you evicted isn't normal.

MayBeee · 25/05/2023 10:27

Remember he's an ex for a reason.
Stay off his sm as he's not your problem.
Obviously for your dc you need contact but keep that child related only .

ProfessorXtra · 25/05/2023 10:28

Why are you hoping they split?

so he comes back to you?

I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Pixiedust1234 · 25/05/2023 10:31

Block him on everything.

Tell mutual friend you don't want to hear anything about him otherwise you will be forced to block them too.

Look forward, not backwards, to have a better, happier, life.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/05/2023 10:33

Why are you following an ex’s social media? Please stop and move on, you’re far better off, the two of you, without him.

purplecorkheart · 25/05/2023 10:35

Are you very young? You sound very immature. You need focus on your daughter not on your ex. Block him on all social media. Do not get back together with him. Concentrate on your daughter. Don not speak to mutual friend about him and tell that friend that you do not want to be kept uptodate about him.

supercali77 · 25/05/2023 10:42

By PFA do you mean a protection from abuse order? That's the only thing I can find. If that's the case ypur problem isn't whether he's with this woman or not, it's that you had to take one out in the first place and you should keep it there. Stop checking his social media. Try the freedom program. Get clean. These types of people are like a harmful addictive substance.

perfectcolourfound · 25/05/2023 11:23

Why are you watching his social media?

Why are you interested in his love life? I assume it's because you want him back, but why?

He sounds like bad news. For you and your child. Block him. Ignore him. Move on.

purpleboy · 25/05/2023 12:44

Op I'm not sure what your wanting but my advice is:

Stop checking his social media
Stay as far away from him as possible
Don't ever consider getting back together
In fact block his social media you do not need to worry about him
Concentrate on bringing up your child

buckeejit · 25/05/2023 13:12

Stop running after a prick & seek some support. If you even considered a pfa then this is not a person you should have around your child. I hope you can move on

Pinkbonbon · 25/05/2023 15:37

Block him and do the freedom programme.

He was likely having an affair with her while you were together. Probably told her you two were only together for the child.

He has using your mutual friends as flying monkeys to emotionally manipulate you. Either cut them from your life or tell them you do not wish to know anything about him and they are not to share about you too him.

Your roof over your head is the most important thing. It sounds like he is a horrible man and you should be thankful you were given the kick up the arse to keep him away from you by your landlord.

His sort are never happy with anyone once they have them. They start looking for faults. They also delight in playing women against eachother. Bouncing between them. So never let him back. Because even if he 'leaves' her...she'll still be a feature whenever he feels like it.

gamerchick · 25/05/2023 15:40

Stop stalking him an dont even entertain taking such a toxic relationship back when you have kids.

Freefall212 · 25/05/2023 15:45

A PFA means that you / your children are vicitms of abuse from him and in need of protection. It bars all contact with you or the children due to you saying he is a danger to you both and has caused you / and or the children harm.

Why do you want to bring someone back who is dangerous and who harms you and your child?

Seas164 · 25/05/2023 15:53

Give your head a shake, and get the help that you need to get a bit of perspective on the situation.

Stop obsessing about his social media, block it so you can't see it.

There is a PFA in place, which is to protect you and most importantly your daughter from abuse.

So what if he's getting ready to leave her? You'll be there with your door open so the whole drama can continue? It sounds like you're maybe in the USA so I'm not sure what help there is available, but there will be help out there, please seek it, for your daughter's sake.

Unless you don't want better for her, because you're showing her every day what's acceptable, and she will repeat it for herself down the line. Pull it together for her.

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