I'm enquiring about the Freedom Programme

[KatyKopykat]

I have a meeting with the programme coordinator on Tuesday, she's meeting me for a coffee and chat. I'm quite anxious because I'm wanting to understand my own culpability in the situation. I had an abusive husband and then a long relationship where we got engaged and he turned verbally violent about three years ago. Before both of those I was engaged to a mardy controlling boyfriend for two years. My dad was abusive. I ended my relationship on Tuesday simply by blocking him when he screamed at me to fuck off and die. I've been shaking ever since and my concentration is gone.

Don’t be nervous

its a really good course
eye opening

it’s not culpability , just poor boundaries

was it your dad you blocked ?

Good on you! Try not to worry, just talk about your experiences and what you're hoping to learn. There is no 'culpability', you have unfortunately been the victim of various abusers and I think you need to learn to spot the signs early on. Good on you for walking away from this relationship now. Just go for the chat, you may be amazed at what you get out of the programme. I would advise you to not hold back, share your experiences openly in a safe space and you'll be surprised how many other women will have gone through similar things. Many women feel maybe they shouldn't be there because it wasn't physical/I gave as good as I got/It wasn't always bad/I hold down a well paid job etc etc etc, but abuse is abuse and it can affect any of us.

You do not have any culpability here; this is all on the perpetrators starting with your own father who abused you. It is not coincidental at all that your own relationships with men have been abusive either, look at what your dad taught you about men. These other men also targeted you to abuse.

You need time and space to recover from these people's abuses of you and the Freedom Programme will help you with this. Your boundaries, already skewed by abuse, have been further messed with by your now ex.

@Thisisworsethananticpated No my former partner. My dad's been dead for quite a while. I don't have any family.

@AttilaTheMeerkat These men as well as my own dad have all said that I am unreasonable or abuse or shout at them. I did on occasion get insecure and didn't express that very well, and I did stick up for myself which got me called nuts or deranged, you need help, and so on.

All these men were doing is projecting onto you i.e describing their own selves. In their eyes it's always someone else's fault, never their own.

I've been to several sessions now. I couldn't go to all of them because of work but I've been to more than I've missed although I'm not getting anything out of it really, it's like sitting around in slimming world talking about what you've eaten.

I don't know what to do really.

All these men are abusive.

There's a follow up course to the Freedom Programne called something like 'Staying Free'. It's there to help people recognise the pattern of behaviours around abuse, leading up to abuse so that they can avoid getting into those relationships in the first place.

Once you've done the Freedom Programme (which is excellent), it sounds like it might be worth looking into the second programme afterwards.

You are doing exactly the right thing in seeking support.

I'm wanting to understand my own culpability in the situation.

Don't call it culpability @KatyKopykat , none of it is your fault. The FP will help you get your head around what happened and hopefully be more able to identify abuse/red flags and cut any future wrong'uns off early on.

It could happen to anyone, although previous abuse can affect how much we put up with if we think 'oh but he's not abusive compared to Dad/Bob/etc' or we think that certain behaviours are just what men are like.

There's a follow up course to the Freedom Programne called something like 'Staying Free'. It's there to help people recognise the pattern of behaviours around abuse, leading up to abuse so that they can avoid getting into those relationships in the first place. Once you've done the Freedom Programme (which is excellent), it sounds like it might be worth looking into the second programme afterwards.

Oooh interesting. The last session of the FP covers red flags briefly. I've not heard of this one before but apparently it's called 'Freedom Forever.' I don't know how many areas run it. Our local facilitators in Brum ran different courses afterwards.

@KatyKopykat You can see if there's one near you here https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/avsforever.php?

All knowledge is power really. The whole of the FP will help you recognise abusive behaviour.